A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 18, and cos my mom went through a lot of stuff with my dad, cos she was pregnant before they got married, she advised me to keep it until I got married. I was going to, and I did until I got to uni. Just before the school year ran out, however, my ex- bf cheated (emotionally) cos he liked this other girl before he met me.But she didn't like him, and so he decided to move on to me. And after a while then she came back and he was all confused and everything. I wouldn't speak to him for a while, but he kept calling me and being really caring but the flip side was that he was calling her as well.And I was really angry cos he had told her that he "cared about her more than anyone else in the world". (While we were going out!) Eventually we got back together, and then I did it with him. I think i panicked or something. I was able to ignore the guilty feeling while I was with him, but when I went on hols it really hit me and since then I've been so depressed. When I went on hols I broke up with him cos I felt so guilty and i hated him a little for putting me through all that and more. Since then he's been asking me to take him back , but I cant. Cos I'm confused about my feelings for him now. And I cant help thinking he still likes her. And my mom asked me if I was still a virgin and I told her I was but I feel like I betrayed myself and her as well.
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broke up, depressed, got back together, move on, my ex, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi thanks for all the advice... i decided not to get back with him after all. Why? I found out that he had been boasting to his friends that i had slept with him BEFORE i actually did. So now i have another problem and this includes my so- called best friend. She knew that he was telling lies about me and stuff, but she NEVER told me.Also, she knew about the other girl and not only decided not to tell me, but gave the other girl advice on how to reply his texts, what to say to him and all that. Please what do i do? Unfortunately we are living in a shared flat and i'm trying to be friendly without being too friendly, and i really dont want to talk to her anymore.
A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (12 August 2009):
 It takes time to forgive yourself, it wont happen overnight.
You need to console yourself with the thought that humans arent perfect we all make errors but the point is that we have to learn from those errors and become better people.
I think before you can know how you feel for him you need time to yourself.
I honestly feel if you liked him alot you would feel it "right" to stay with him, but already your having doubts.
I would advise you to have a break from him to come to terms with whats happened.
and I would tell him honestly how hurt you felt by what he done in the past and see how his feelings are towards you.
only then you will know whether or not to pursue it with him.
Dont feel guilty about this, it will make you a stronger and better person in time if you let it.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): Well, the bottom line is that you gave him your virginity because you were feeling threatened and you were trying to keep him. You might not have reasoned this way when you did it but that is obviously what was going on emotionally.
And now that you no longer feel like sex is holding him to you by itself, you no longer feel like it is worth giving it to him.
I am saying this because you need to understand what really went on here if you want to ever avoid anything else similar to it in the future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your advice. It really helped. But how do I go about forgiving myself? And how can I tell if the feelings I have for him are worth pursuing?
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (10 August 2009):
Dont feel guilty for losing your virginity. We all make mistakes sometimes, its what makes us human.
You sound like you really regret your decision of losing it to him. It sounds as if the situation at the time forced you to act irrationaly.
Your bf is a emotional cheat because he had feelings for another girl whilst he was with you, and relayed it to her whilst with you. it is no wonder you are angry and confused.
If your mum loves you she wont love you any less if she finds out you made a mistake in your eyes by sleeping with your bf.
She just wanted the best for you, but sometimes as humans we all make mistakes.
I would say even tho she got pregnant outside of marriage she wouldnt have changed it for the world. she has you doesnt she?
dont worry, just try and give yourself some space from your bf so you can calm down.
you need to forgive yourself for this in order for you to move on.
Good luck
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