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anonymous
writes:My 20 year old son from a prior marriage asked to live with my husband and I for a short time as he unexpectedly landed a job near our house and the commute from his home was too long. My son had 2 days notice before starting so the notice to me was short but I asked my husband if he'd mind of my son lived w/us for a while. Husband said okay, son moved in and two days later out of the blue my husband said "no, he can't live here and must leave now." His excuse for "no" was it was too short of notice and he didn't want our marriage affected by someone else living in our house. (Note, my 25 year old daughter lived w/us for 6 months when she was transferred.) I was shocked, told my son and he left. My first mistake was not standing up to my husband and saying it's also my house, my son and he can stay. My son is a great kid, no drugs, self-supporting, clean cut, respectful, etc. This turn of events has caused a huge rift between my husband and I to the point of me moving out as he has destroyed my trust and respect in him as our agreement was that we'd always help out our respective family members anyway we possibly could as family is important to us and he excluded my son but had let my daughter live w/us. I feel I can't count on him any longer to be there for everyone, i.e.kids, siblings or elder parents. My husband is very possessive of "us" and "me" and likes me all to himself no matter who he harms in the process. He's always been jealous of my children despite their attempts at friendship w/him. Am I overreacting to my husband's actions and treatment of my son? My family says this is a "deal breaker."
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't think I'm over reacting as my son lived with us before leaving home. And, I believe a spouse should live up to his or her word made to the other, which was part of our agreement before we married. His was helping out family members as needed. We've helped his kids and to me, it's a two way street.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2010): Obviously this was not in original plan so he has right to say that he will not accommodate your son. you are over reacting. All these are by products of re-marriages and i do not think you should take them as seriously.
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reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (26 August 2010):
 You should never be forced to choose between children and husband.
From what you've written your son respected your husband's wishes and moved back out.
I am confused here though. If your husband puts your marriage first, including being very mindful of it, is it possible that he doesn't trust you? And so now you won't trust him?
Is there something else intervening here that might be below the surface?
This sort of does not make sense. I've been in a situation where the child has been jealous and possessive of the mother, and her family was nasty. And that related to other things entirely out of my control.
But here I am seeing something different. Now if your husband has issues with himself, maybe psychiatric issues, there are pills they make that control bi-polar disease, borderline personality disorders, and obsessive compulsive disorders.
Not knowing more, no one here can actually say "why" he's acting this way.
If a man loves you, then he's going to let your son live in your home too as long as it takes for him to get his job going. So this doesn't make sense absent mental illness.
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reader, C. Grant  +, writes (26 August 2010):
 Your husband shouldn't have put you in the situation of having to choose between him and your son. Marrying you was a package deal -- he knew you had children and that your relationship with them was important to you. The fact that he pulled this speaks volumes about his character. Is this really someone you want to spend the rest of your life with?
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