A
male
age
51-59,
*risey
writes:The woman I'm Dating so far has treated me better than any other woman I've ever dated, she behaves like she has won the lottery !! It is very nice, but she cannot have anymore children and to become a father and settle down has always been of the most heart felt importance to me. I've been clear with her, told her what I want for my future. What to do?? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, PsychicDove  +, writes (26 October 2008):
 Hi Brisey, Strange that I did post my answer but it didn't reach due technical problems. You are in a major dilemma, I think I can help.I am psychic Brisey, I do see you having your own babies in the future. So don't worry about that. You need to let go of this kind lady, although she is good to you, you won't be happy as you will always regret and long for a child of your own.You will be happy if you married a younger woman, I suggest, try and find a mature girl who will enjoy your age and not a bubbly childish one as that could lead to the usual problem which you will find in all marriages with a big age difference.Confidently and gently let her know that you wish to follow your heart and need to move on.Take care okay.~ PsychicDove
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): Tough choice, but "The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind" (Quaoted by William James).
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): You love your partner first and foremost, kids and all else second. Well, that's my opinion anyway. If you can't have kids, then you still have your first choice - your woman. If you don't feel like this, then you don't have sufficient love for your woman, just seeing her as predominately your baby carrier = time to move on. Choice is yours, son. Make sure it's the right one.
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (25 October 2008):
 If you do leave this *great woman for a younger model there are lots of things that you must consider. This younger woman may never care for you the way you are cared for now. It's sad that you can't have a child with this other woman but what happens if for some reason you find out the younger girl is infertile or otherwise unable to carry a child?
You have to think about the fact a younger woman perhaps will grow tired of being with an older man and want more of the not so settled down life that you now want. When you are searching for a mate not having a child can be a major concern but it isn't the only thing that can make for a great relationship or marriage.
I personally know of someone who had 8 children and the perspective husband had none. Although he wanted to have a child with his new wife, he accepted this woman openly, warmly and with love. Her children cared for him and they were married for almost 28 years until she passed away. They were in love and they filled their lives with many things but the love in their hearts made everything possible. Before this precious man also passed he stayed with the youngest child for almost 2 years. This Dad had children after all and whilst he was dealing with Altzheimers the youngest girl keep him and took care of him just as if he were her own Father. There are many ways to be a Father and although having your own child is a special and wonderful gift don't let the lack of being able to concieve stop you from being happy with someone who really cares.
I will add that you didn't mention Love anywhere in the post. If you love the woman you are already with you can always consider adoption, there are children everywhere who need good, loving parents. Just a *note They say the grass is always greener on the other side of the hill but you better watch out cause it might turn out to be artificial turf!
On the personal side.........the man who loved a woman who couldn't have children was my Mama's husband, who was also my Stepfather. I was the youngest child of 8 and I loved him just like my Daddy. My Mama and Dad had a long loving relationship inspite of the fact they couldn't have any children together but God sent little ole along. He certainly works in mysterious ways!
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): She sounds too good to give up, but if she definitely can't have children you're not going to get your heart's desire with her unless you could see yourself adopting a child. How would you both feel about that? I presume she's already got one or more children already - so does she want to go through all the hassle of nurturing another infant? If not, and you're non-negotiable on it, it would be better to move on, but bear in mind the next one might not be as good as this one and there's no guarantee that she could either have, or want, children. You could have a very long search ahead of you.
How long have you been dating her? If it's a recent thing it might be easier to go your separate ways than if this is a long term relationship.
Looking for a new partner on the basis of expecting her to be a mother first and a partner second doesn't seem right to me somehow. I'm wondering how you managed to get to your age without the opportunity of becoming a father somewhere on your life's journey.
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (25 October 2008):
 I think this really does depend on how much older this wonderful lady is and if she has her own children already or whether she wanted her own children but never had the chance.
There are so many reasons for lack of children but that has not been given in your question. Maybe you could enlighten us a little.
Someone of your age must decide on whether you want a younger model to give you children but who is not possibly with you on an age level or whether you find someone who is older and more compatible with you in every sense of the word but cannot give you this one important thing that means a lot to you.
There is always adoption or surrogacy or any other numbers of treatments that are now available but without more information it is hard to answer really. I agree with Smiles really in as much as there are so many combinations of answers to your question but without the relevant reasons it is hard to judge and guide you correctly.
At the end of the day they say that love can withstand anything but this one important choice - your own child/children or not is something only YOU can answer.
How does your wonderful lady feel about it all as you have obviously talked about it at length I am guessing?
Keep us informed eh!
BFN
Country Woman
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): Well,if you really appreciate her and care about her,and you say she's the best woman you've ever been with,then youshouldn't have children with another woman.There's always adoption.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): Dear Poster
This is a very difficult decision you will have to make; I do realize it will not be easy; however, you will have to make that choice sooner then later; it will not be fair towards this "lovely" lady if you keep her on a string; yes, I understand you have been open and honest with her, but that does not prevent her from developing emotions towards you and that can cause lots of hurt to both of you.
Is there definitely no possibility that you two could have a child; even with all the modern technology?
This is very difficult; only you can decide how important it is to you to have your own child;
My thoughts are with you.
Keep SMILING.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): why not have someone to have the kid for you?
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