A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this guy for almost 2 years now and we've had some bad moments mostly because of his jealousy but we managed to overcome them. I was usually the one who made more compromise and i sometimes got frustrated because of this but I loved him and didn't want to break up with him. Anyway, I started to get along with another guy that I have known for years and we have been spending pretty much time together. When my boyfriend was out of town I went out with this other guy and some friends. I know he likes me and I think I like him too but nothing happened between us. We are just friends and he knows my boyfriend. I knew that my bf would be mad at me for going out but I didn't want to lie to him so I told him the truth. He was very hurt and said that he doesn't want to break up with me but made me choose between him and the other guy, which I don't think is fair since that guy is my friend. He also said that I am not as committed to our relationship as I used to be and I agree but I can't be as I used to. He even admitted that he took me for granted all this time because he didn't believe that I could leave him but things are different now.I don't think I love him anymore but now he keeps telling me he loves me and that he couldn't live without me but in these 2 years he broke up with me several times without caring how I felt. I don't know weather I should break up with him or stay in this relationship and try to love him again. I am afraid that if I stay things will be the way they were and he would just take me for granted again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): Im sorry to hear about the situation you are in.I feel its important that i make this point, i believe that most men have a similar sort of mindset when it comes to relationships (especially when we are younger i.e.18-21).feeling jealous, fear of loss of control and anger when something doesnt go according to plan seems to be apparent in alot of peoples relationships. that in no way justifies it, i was like that and have worked so hard to change it because things made me realise the way i was been.Your boyfriend is probably blinded by love and cant see or even understand the way he is been. He is doing it because he doesnt know how to love properly, i dont mean that in a derogatory way, "you dont loose someone by loving too much, you loose by holding them back" he is holding you back in certain areas of your life. Its about a balance though, you have to give and take, i personally feel that its not right you go out with just your "friend" when clearly he isnt. If he was just a "friend" why would you be bothered that he liked you? why would admit you also like him?To TRY and love someone suggests that you are not happy at the moment, you feel as though you shouldnt really consider leaving him and at the same time believe you should give it another chance, this is all probably a habit. Love cant be forced, when you say you dont love HIM anymore, i get the impression you are referring to the way he currently is, things have changed since you first started loving the old him. By him understanding himself and his actions, it will relieve a huge pressure from the relationship.What it boils down to is how willing you are, youve obviously considered giving it another go.Id give it another shot and see where it goes, dont end up hating each other tho.the simple solution in my eyes is that he needs to change, not change in any dramatic way but he needs to think about his own actions and what it is that he has done wrong without you telling him. that may include an element of been apart from one another!
A
female
reader, bethevans  +, writes (22 March 2009):
 Well to be honest ..i know this may hurt you.. but he sounds like a TWAT! i have had jelous boyfriends in the past.. and i know i'm 14 and you're probs not gna listen to this, but most of the people i hang around with are like 16-18 and i'm quite mature for my age.. jelousy is like something you just don't get rid off.. there's no cure.. and saying all this to you is just not fair.. and making people choose between them and another makes me sick .. if you like this other guy and he seems to care about you.. i 'd get out of the relationship you're in and leave a while to cool it off and then see what happens with the other guy x
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