A
female
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Anastasia
writes:I recently watched a movie called " The Help" and I found one aspect of it that stayed with me even after the movie was over. Most people were raving about the main topic of the movie which was racism in the South of the US, but I found one aspect of it that was remarkable. What do we teach our daughters when they are growing up? Do we instil in them that they are smart and beautiful and worth something? One of the housekeepers in the movie, an African American woman kept instilling in the little girl she was caring for these very ideals. What do we teach our daughters in the modern world? What does the media teach them? I'll tell you.They learn that if you are not a size zero....then you're not worth anything much. If you don't look like this model or that model, you're not exactly that beautiful. I cannot tell you the amount of times I've walked into a store and wanted clothes to fit me...(I have hips and a bum and curves)...and was looked at with disdain because I was not size zero. Comments like "we don't have clothes to fit your size"...what is my "size"? A young woman who is insecure about her looks, her weight and her value would be mortified and dispondent when leaving the store. Questions like....well "am I not skinny enough?".." these clothes fit my friends...". What are we doing to our daughters? We see what we are doing everyday when we see the questions that are being asked on here. Families who do not instill a sense or appreciation and worth for their daughters from a very young age create a breeding ground for eating disorders and psychological disorders. From a very young age, we should let our daughters know that they are beautiful from the inside to the outside to their toe nails to everything. Does anyone remember that MTV series about girls and their 16th birthday? I remember a few episodes where the parents condoned plastic surgery of breast implants or a new nose for their children...WHAT?! They are 16....so from the very age where you are discovering yourself....let's give you plastic surgery to fix what is wrong....why not appreciate what is right? Other teens watching this...well they think this is okay. This is why I love Dove Ads, every woman in the ad is a different kind of woman. Some are smaller than others, some are more curvy, some are differently shaped, but you know what....they are all beautiful. So...my little rant in this article is basically this. From a very young age, girls need to be taught to appreciate who they are on the inside first, then on the outside. Value themself, instill in our daughters...and our sons that they are are priceless. You will be surprised the number of empowered, secure and fantastic women you would create who would not let a single man or women walk over them; simply because they know their worth.
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (19 June 2013):
 I think your article is well thought out.
My aim with my children has always been to encourage them to think for themselves. We sit around the table and I encourage them to look beyond the story in a newspaper or a TV report and try to understand the real message.
When I talk to my children I expect them to know where other countries are, to respect other cultures. And to know how to see through hypocrisy.
Building their self confidence and their reliability is not done with one lesson or a few talks. It is only achieved by regular support.
One of my big rules is immediate praise and public praise in front of the family. But if I am unhappy I take the child aside and quietly explain why I am unhappy and admonish them in private and gain some sort of agreement and understanding that what they did was unacceptable. Then I expect them to walk over to their sibling or speak to me direct and acknowlege what was done that was unacceptable and then apologise. The idea of ever screaming or humiliating my child is abhorrent to me.
I certainly do not care if their clothes get dirty or the garden is a mess because they are building some lakes and rivers and bridges in a dis-used part of the vegetable garden. It is doing such things that I think build confidence. I do not care if the pictures from school are extreme abstracts. I put them up. A few I even had framed. It is by doing this that I show respect for what they can do and choose to create.
But I do not believe in false praise. If the new haircut is a bit extreme I may just ask, "what made you choose that style?" By doing that I might discover that it was not entirely their idea. It might even spark a talk that is about standing up for what you want.
I totally agree with you about your comments. Girls (and boys) do not have to be meek and submissive and think their thoughts do not matter. But nor do they ever need to be unkind nor nasty nor bully anyone.
We all have something to contribute.
If friends make you feel horrible and are too critical then maybe they are not really friends.
I found talking over things we saw occur in the HarryPotter films represented a great opportunity to demonstrate that being a bully (Draco Malfoy) and his henchmen who just did as they were told is not acceptable as a way to behave.
Whereas HarryPotter was brave against challenges.
What we wear does not define solely who we are. If I call a tradesman he can have the smartest uniform possible. But if his work is shoddy or he fails to turn up on time and does not call to explain why he failed to turn up then I am disappointed. I look at a person's actions. Not their hype. Not their clothes and not the vehicle they drive.
I loved your rant. Please post another one when you get a chance.
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