A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What happens next?I was dating a guy for about a month, consistently and it seemed like there was potential to go somewhere although he was hesitant and has never been in a serious relationship. We had a great fifth date, then he went missing in action.I texted him and he wrote back saying he had a really busy day. I didn't answer him back, went a few days with no contact, then i called him to just say hi and he didn't answer my call. Then he texted me after the weekend where i mentioned our communication has been lacking and he said he would call me tomorrow. This was tuesday, he called me, we had a great, but somewhat awkward conversation where he then asked if we could do something thursday. I said I should be free and he said great will be in touch .Today he texted saying " Hey. don't think I can do something tonight :( I have to babysit for my sisters kids" I said " thats too bad but I understand. maybe our schedules will match up soon?"Why bother calling me and making plans then ditching? I know I need to just leave it and let him come to me, but a part of me wants to call him out on his game. What do I do next?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2014): A guy doesn't ditch a date to babysit his sister's kids! That's so lame, it's insulting. He's just not that into you, and he's hoping you'll just fade-away without any drama.
Your age-group denoted above your post is between 26-29. A man in that age-group who has never had a serious relationship is man-boy, and waste of your time.
Guys like that suffer arrested-development and probably live in their parent's basement; or will end-up there. When he told you he has never had a serious relationship, that should have set-off alarms. He went missing in action, and that was his way of giving you the brush-off, and letting you know he isn't serious about you either.
Take a hint. Move on.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 October 2014):
 Well, technically he did not " make plans ", he never said , then Thursday at 7 p.m. in front of restaurant X.
He said " I'll be in touch " ( implied- if I am still free, nothing else comes up, etc. ).
So, technically, he has not stood you up. He rescheduled, as he had implied the possibility of doing.
Said that, do I believe he is really babysitting ? Uhm.
I think, that, if you have met him on a dating site, he is just doing the typical dating site guy thing. Not that if you met through a dating site he must necessarily be evil and sinister :)- but, he will be doing multiple dating, seeing different girls, considering different options. That always complicate things and always creates annoying shuffling and reshuffling, as you can imagine.
If you did not meet on a dating site- well, he could still be seeing other people / keeping his options open.
Or, quite simply, be casually dating. Going with the flow, no particular obligations . An " I'll se you when I see you " kind of thing. If his evening is totally free, fine- if something else comes up, from babysitting to going for drinks with a male friend- he'll take that and leave you on the back burner.
Is this " playing games " ? I think this is a case in which " playing games " is in the eye of the beholder . I guess he may see it as " going with the flow ", " raking it one day at a time ", " seeing what happens " or any of the many expressions which mean, that, at the moment, he does not want anything serious and most of all he wants no obligations.
You have to realize that even if your 5 dates were successful and you had fun together and all, that does not mean that he wants to make a habit , or a rule, of it.
If I go to the same pizza place 5 Saturdays in a row, I may like the pizza there very much .... still it does not mean that from now on I feel the obligation to keep up going there every Saturday.
I think that's suggested by his being hesitant, distancing himself, going MIA etc. He is reclaiming his space - withot wanting to cut things off with you.
I think your expectations are different- maybe you think that after 5 successful dates, it's time to make it a relationship, or more relationship-y anyway. He is not on the same page.
So, is he playing games ? ..... Well,technically he is not doing anything wrong, since he never talked about being exclusive and in fact expressed reluctance at the idea of a relationship. Oth, that does not mean that YOU have to want what he wants and go along with what he wants , if you are not happy with the current status quo.
Ultimately, it's up to what YOU want and how much leeway you want to leave him to make up his mind. If you want to give him some space and time to think about it and see if he warms up to you , and/ or to the idea of dating seriously- you can do that, after all it's only one month you have met !
If instead you want someone who's more determined, more sanguine, more enthusiastic about you- and more worried that if he drags his feet, you'll slip away from his fingers.... then, he ain't that one.
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