A
male
age
36-40,
*obby B.
writes:So this morning was the biggest heart break I could ever handle. I found out my girlfriend... my best friend... my everything cheated on me a month ago. She told me this intoxicated and also took an e pill saying some guy performed oral on her, but she didn't have sex with him and she made it seem like it wasn't a big deal. So I'm trying to keep myself on a calm level and it didn't work so we fought and she's telling me she hates me and never wanted to deal with me anymore making me feel like nothing. I have never cheated on this girl ever. So after that I talked to her and we had sex right after and I didn't want to let her go cause my love is so deep I would marry this girl in a heart beat. But the thing that bothers me A LOT of course is the constant going clubbing in tight skimpy dresses where you could almost see her butt hanging out. It makes me feel like I have no control sometimes because I'm not there to see what she wears before she leaves. She has 2 kids 1 boy 1 girl and sometimes I tell her she has to realize she has kids that she has to set an example for especially her daughter. I asked her multiple times if she's been loyal to me and all she said was yea and she also put that on her kids that she's been loyal. Now I cant even believe her words or believe when she says that. She's always telling me she's scared to lose me and everything but she goes out and club everyweek like she's single. Man.. I'm not even gonna lie I'm tearing a little while typing all this because she needs a wake up call. I have feelings just like she does but I never break her heart. Then she's always complaining for some space and if I did this would happen a lot and my heart can't take it. I'm so scared to lose her and willing to give this woman another chance because I'm so so so in love with her and her kids especially her son. I don't know what to do I'm so lost right now I feel sick to my stomach I cant eat, I can't sleep all I'm thinking about is her opening her legs to another man.. swear she doesn't know how this feels cause she never been in that situation an I'll never put her through it because I don't believe 2 wrongs make a right. This woman completes me but at the same time knows how to stab a heart. I'm just lost right now I need some guidance some help with this relationship... I do everything a boyfriend does and a man. In other females eyes they would do anything to be with me because I know how to treat a woman and can remain loyal for a long time. But this one... I don't know what's going on with her.. I LOVE HER A LOT... and she loves me a lot too..
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best friend, cheated on me, clubbing Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): Brother I know you don't want to hear this but your gf is a slut. Pack your stuff and leave otherwise you are in for a lifetime of heartbreak.
Good luck
A
female
reader, Redstars14  +, writes (22 August 2010):
She doesn't deserve a guy as great as you if that's the way she treats you. Some people just aren't ready for a commitment and she probably just wants someone to look after her kids while she goes clubbing. Maybe she knows one day that she will want a committed relationship so she sticks with you. She doesn't love you in the same way you love her, she does love you but in a different way. Maybe you leaving will give her the wake up call she needs... and if it doesn't maybe time will.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (21 August 2010):
 Im guessing she is the same age as you or younger? From the things you have said, she is still very young and immature, and the fact she already has TWO children (I assume and hope they are the same father) yet still goes out clubbing with everything hanging out for all to see shows she is far from ready to settle down and act like a grown up. I expect the children were the results of drunken sex, as was the cheating incident. You on the other hand, are mature, want to settle down and create a life for you and your partner.
She does not love you the way you love her. That is plainly obvious. She may think she does, but her actions tell a whole different story. She wants to go out, party, flirt, and have casual sex. She doesnt really want the kids, to be tied down. She doesnt want commitment. And in you she finds a willing man, who will wait around for her and babysit when she wants to go out. She should be going out with you! Not you staying in looking after HER kids.
This woman is not going to grow up and change any time soon. You are way more mature than her, and right now, she cant be the woman you need.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): You sound like a really good guy, the type of guy all the girls are hoping to find. I think you deserve much better than this girl, someone who will appreciate you. You two are obviously not a match made in heaven, since you have such different lifestyles. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (21 August 2010):
 I read your post, and I feel bad for you because you sound like such a nice, decent guy. Maybe she will mature in the future, but I don't think she's ready for a committed relationship. You have to have trust in order to have a relationship, and she can't be trusted. She cheated on you, and lied to you about it. I am sorry if this breaks your heart, and I don't want to, but this whole relationship seems one-sided to me. Perhaps if she matures in the future you could reconsider but I wouldn't stay in this relationship, it's making you suffer even more than if you were to leave. You need to be free...
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A
female
reader, princessjasmine +, writes (21 August 2010):
your blinded by love right now but the truth is, theres someone else out there for u who wont bs around like this chick. Honestly, u are WAY too good for her. Be strong and let the skank GO! u can't marry her. Theres someone else out there that u havent met who will REALLY make u feel complete, ur just so wrapped up in this girl that u dont realize whats out there for u. Theres ALWAYS someeone better, i can attest to that.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (21 August 2010):
 Hi there. I am sure she does love you a lot but what you can not change is that to me it sounds like she doesn't want to settle down just yet. The fact that she is out there acting single, clubbing in tight dresses, etc tells me that she's not ready for a committed relationship.
If she's young like you with two kids and still out there clubbing she doesn't take that responsibility seriously either.
I believe you that you would do anything for her and to be honest, she counts on it. You are her fall back and stable force in life. She knows she can treat you like this and you won't leave. She also doesn't respect you for that. She's looking for fun and excitement, not to settle down with you. You also stated that she is always pushing you away asking for space. Again, a clear indication she isn't ready.
Yes, she loves you but again, she doesn't respect you or she would not have treated you like that.
If you are asking what you should do, no one can tell you but when you've had enough you'll know. She isn't going to change unless something causes her to change and that may well be you leaving her before she destroys your self respect.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (21 August 2010):
 I wish that people who want to go out clubbing would wait until they are ready to have children; I'm thinking that most people here would agree that a Mom should be home most nights to spend time with their kids.
It sounds like she hasn't matured yet, and wants what she wants when she wants it. Not exactly a selfless individual, is she? You need maturity and a bit of selfless devotion in order to make a relationship/marriage work; and she should have at least developed some in dealing with motherhood. It sounds like she grasping at trying to stay young and footlooose; even though in truth, she isn't... not really great moral choices on her part. That speaks volumes.
Can you trust her and her words? Judging by the way she is behaving, the cheating, the sex, the lies, well, that speaks for itself. You can close your eyes, but judging by your pain, you can't close your heart and you shouldn't have to - with a girl who truly loves you.
Even if you love her kids, they are her kids and you won't be their Dad unless you marry and have some legal rights as a stepparent, but do you really want to let yourself in for all of this heartache? It doesn't sound like she wants to change her ways, and if even her kids can't get her to stay home at night, then I doubt that you will be able to change her. You Can't Change Other People, You Can Only Change Yourself. Otherwise, you are going to wind up being a heartbroken full-time babysitter. Sorry if this was harsh, but you wrote in for honest opinions and I hope that you are able to find some happiness elsewhere. Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): You need to end this "relationship"... the feeling that she completes you is not healthy... it sounds like co-dependency. If she really loved you she would NOT have done what she's done and said what she's said. End this relationship and find someone who doesn't hurt you, cheat on you and do what she's doing to her kids.
Free yourself now!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (21 August 2010):
 Big mistake number one, having sex right after confronting her. Ur emotions are running high then u channel it into sex. When u put ur foot down keep it down! Promise me never to do it again. Sorry darling but she doesnt sound like the marrying type. Can u really bring her home to mom? And if she goes out every single night dressed rather provocatively clubbing who's watching her children? If she's wearing skimpy little clothes going out to clubs what do u think her intentions are, making friends? I dont think so. From a female's perspective, when women go out dressed like that were looking for attention and to get drunk and hook up. Get real dude, she's out screwing around on u. She admitted she cheated on you once and I smell countless other times. If she wasnt then she would be asking u to come along. If she loved u then she wouldnt be going out to clubs scantily clad without u, or she would be spending time with u and her kids. Bottom line, she says she loves u but her actions say otherwise and actions speak louder than words. Kick her to the curb before she hurts u anymore, if u keep on with her then it will only get worse.
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