A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi Aunts,I could use some opinions/advice!Here's the short: My fiance and I are getting married in 8 months, and we have a great relationship. We've been together almost 3 years, live together most of it and our sex life has diminished the last year. We ran into some issues pretty early on (me not very satisfied, him not very open). He's more open when there's some anonymity to it, but won't take it too far before it's back to very vanilla sex. We've talked about it and he says he doesn't feel comfortable treating me like a sexual object because he loves me too much. I've developed some self consciousness from this, thinking that he doesn't find me sexy enough, so I'm trying to work through that.I had a thought that might help him open up to me in a 'safe' situation, maybe me too. I've bought some colored contacts (he's always liked green eyed girls with red hair - I'm a brown eyed brunette) and a red wig, and I've thought about asking him to meet me at a bar and being a bit late, sitting next to him like a stranger and starting to flirt. Basically pretending not to know him, striking up a convo and being just convincing enough that he's comfortable (because it's me) and it's different enough he could relax into some roleplaying. Trouble is, every time I picture this, I feel like he would recognize me right away and say, 'what are you wearing, why?' Even if things go according to plan, what if he gets too turned on by this and starts wanting to meet strangers or something? Would I be starting a new fetish for him that could be bad for us?Any advice on if this is a good/bad idea? Or what I could do instead?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2013): To be honest your post sounds less of sexual problem per se and more of an issue of how close you are emotionally and how you feel both in terms of the relationship as a whole and yourself sexually. You start your post by saying you both have a great relationship but after that it seems as if there's some real issues there. Do I think it’s a good idea to make love dressed as something that he likes but you’re not? no. I’m white, have fair hair and I’m thin. If my GF was turned on by big built black guys with dark hair then I wouldn't put on black make up, die my hair and spend six months in the gym building up. My GF needs to find ME attractive, not me in disguise and it’s the same for you. I think you need to bear in mind that he might not go out looking for sex with strangers but he may become emotionally and physically attached to your alter ego. If you need to put on a wig and contact lenses to sexually satisfy him or to feel sexy yourself then that’s a worry. If you don't feel sexy you need to discuss this with him and he needs to make you feel special, sexy and attractive to him. If he is shut off emotionally and you can’t talk to him on that level to the point where you’re considering "becoming" someone else to please him, then I think you need to consider whether you can seriously carry on like this. A sexual fantasy isn't going to cure the issue of him not being open and you not feeling sexy or satisfied. Have you tried counselling?
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 March 2013):
 Wait, you want to try to pretend to be a stranger and think he won't notice?
If you want to role-play, I think one of the key rules is that you discuss the concept first before putting it into action.
Why can't you find a way to talk to him about your concerns about your sex life, in a loving calm way, away from the bedroom, in a safe place?
If you are getting married in 8 months and have a 'great' relationship, time to woman up and learn to talk to him, and more importantly, LISTEN to him.
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