A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Whichever way I say it, it will sound awkward so here goes.. I have only had a sexual relationship with one guy, as many I didn't really know what to expect blah blah blah so I pretty much let him do anything. He was quite rough especially when stimulating me with his hands - fingering etc was quite painful.Recently I went home with a friend and he also went there, and again it was painful? I don't know what to make of this, obviously it puts me off having sex because the area is sore but I don't really know how to fix the problem... I know I should relax a little but I suppose I get nervous.
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (30 March 2013):
Dear OP,
I think a lot of guys don't have the slightest clue what to do "down there". They suck at fingering and also at oral. They are also reluctant to use condoms or even incapable of putting them on by themselves sometimes. If you want to have any pleasure and safety in your sexual life, you need to learn how to say no and speak up, explain explicitly or with practical demonstration and guidance what you like.
There's nothing wrong with you, no need to tell yourself to "relax" when you're being fingered in a rude way.
It's our responsibility as women to help guys figure out how they can please us, if they want to know. Or walk away if they don't care.
I know, it would be great if during sex, we women could just relax into the experienced hands of a man who knows what he does. But this needs time, it doesn't come automatically.
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (30 March 2013):
Guys watch too much porn these days and that's convinced them that the harder and faster they "to to town", the more you're gonna love it. Then they are so out of tune that when you start giving signs that it hurts they think you love it.
What does this mean? You need to be explicit and tell them what feels good and what doesn't. It'll be better for the future of humanity if you do.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (29 March 2013):
 You need to speak up! When a guy does something you don't like, say something! If she guy is shoving his fingers up there, that would hurt almost anyone. Women need to be turned on in order to have anything put in their vaginas comfortably, that's normal. Tell them to be gentle and if they go too fast or hard, say something! If you don't feel comfortable enough to say something, you should wait to have sex until you do feel comfortable enough. You can't have good sex without good communication, and if the sex isn't good, why have it?
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