A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i really like a new coworker of mine and we talk to each other at and after work but i dont think shes very interested in me.i spent a night with an ex girlfriend who gave a few hickies and my coworker thought they were gross.i was trying to make her a little jealous but it seems to have backfired badly.how should i go about to salvage this blunder?
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co-worker, ex girlfriend, jealous, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): Well...as a female around your age I can say that knowing someone is doing it with their ex would not attract me. Maybe for some girls it would; I don't know. But if I was really into you and saw proof that you were involved with someone else, I'd be crushed. Not good. If I was kinda into you, I wouldn't be as upset but I'd assume you were taken and just move on. Sounds like she wasn't interested to begin with so maybe it's time to throw in the towel.
Even if she did still like you, it would be unpleasant for her to picture you with someone else, and it would probably make things a little awkward down the road.
Just for future reference, jealousy really isn't a good strategy to get somebody. My current bf tried flirting with my best friend right in front of me before we got together; he even went on a date with her and left a bunch of comments on her myspace photos. He claims it was all to make me jaelous, and I believe it, but that caused some friction early in the relationship. So, yeah, not the best strategy!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 March 2010):
You won't be fixing this. Now she'll think you're not interested at all (that's if she did like you). Best thing to do is move on. Don't go around trying to make people jealous. It won't work.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): I wouldn't be jealous of someone doing that to me. I would lose interest. Just thought you should know how immature I find that behaviour.
To answer your question, just be a nice, charming, respectful young man and stop trying to look like you can ge tit anywhere else. That will only make her feel like she's not important.
~sy
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Learn from your mistakes and move on . In time, people will forget about this incident and everything will be normal again.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (30 March 2010):
Well what is there to salvage when you didn't really have anything anyway? A lot of girls think that hickies are gross on a guy or girl. Plus, sleeping with another girl typically turns a girl off, we don't want to know or care who you're sleeping with and if you're still sleeping with someone else then we definitely don't want to sleep with you.
I think if you want to represent yourself in the future as a more respectable guy, keep your sex life to yourself. Keep that under wraps and let her see who you are just in general. Besides physcial attraction, if a guy has a good personality and seems like a respectable type of guy, then that's even more attractive. Less attractive is hickies and hooking up with ex girlfriends. At least you can take it with you as a learning experience!
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