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anonymous
writes: I'm married but I feel out of love. Is there any way to bring the spark back into my marriage?...I really don't want it over; it hasnt even been a year yet...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, F, writes (15 February 2005): Hi,One of the things my wife and I learned 19 years ago in our marriage prep class was that love is not a feeling, or an emotion, but rather a decision we must make everyday for our partner. It's a decision we make when our partner hurts us, disappoints us, or embarasses us. I trust that my wife continues to decide to love me, even though I am not perfect, or that my sense of humor hurts her feelings sometimes, or that I'm even unlovable on occasion. How easy is it to change our minds based on our emotions? Or to write our partner off if our "feelings" toward him or her change. A fundamental part of marriage is that I trust in my partner's love for me, even when times are tough in our relationship.Regarding "sparks", perhaps you are now realizing that the romantic part of your relationship is waning, and now you must address the "hard work" of communicating, sharing and relating to your partner everyday - our relationships will always have ups and lulls, periods when we close off from our partner, or when he closes off from you.Work at keeping a dialog going, and you will come back together. Perhaps you also need to schedule time just for each other, as you get wrapped up in careers and later in children.Best wishes,F
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2005): yes i feel that i have to work extra hard to bring spice to my marriage again. we only been married 4 months and we have known each other for 19teen years and i know my husband like a book but sometimes i feel like i am losing him. so i am asking you can you tell me what to do to put that spark back in our marriage.
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A reader, Lolly, writes (12 February 2005): It's sad that you feel the spark has already left your marriage, however remember that these relationships naturally go through tides, and need work to keep afloat! Try sending your loved one saucy messages by phone or email shortly before seeing them - not only will you get a little thrill from sending the message, it will put a smile on your partners face, and one on yours when you get a reply! Make each other feel sexy, and you can't fail!
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