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anonymous
writes: Approximately 3 months ago my girlfriend finished our relationship after almost 4 years together. Although we lived apart, this never seemed a problem, and we had a very loving relationship. She is 29, and I am 38. She says that she developed feelings of responsibility for me, as well as worries, fears and panic attacks. These feelings started, apparently, when I was in Brussels in 2002, and had difficulty finding a job. Because I was applying for jobs primarily with German companies, she helped me with applications etc. (she is German, I am English). She is currently writing a Phd thesis, and has about 1 year left. She now acknowledges that these feelings are no longer justified, but she cannot seem to get rid of them. She is now having psychotherapy. When I saw her last weekend, she told me about feelings of responsibility for her own father that were transferred to her by her mother when she was 4 years old. Since ending the relationship, she calls me about every 3 or 4 days, and seems to encourage my contact. When I last saw her, she burst into tears on seeing me, and on leaving me, and we ended up kissing; we both expressed quite a lot of affection for each other. I have made my love for her very clear, and that I want to spend my life with her and have children with her. She appears to show me love, although she cannot actually say "I love you"; instead she says things like "I think about you a lot". She is now in London for 7 weeks (I live in Germany). She has problems expressing negative emotions, and tends to say that she feels good even when it is clear that she doesn't. This relationship is very important to me, and I wonder whether we might be able to fix things, or whether it's hopeless. When she finished the relationship, she said things like "you are the most wonderful person I have ever known". Ours is the longest and, as she says, the happiest, relationship she has ever had. Any input would be appreciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, BrendaGarcia1992 +, writes (22 December 2005):
Well 1st stop & think about it?Ask urself do i really love her?If so just go & talk 2 her!
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