A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I'm 20 years old, got married at 18 and feel that I made a huge mistake. Yea I know.. most are gonna think "umm yea of course you did". I knew my husband for a year before I got married and now I feel like I should have gotten to know him better before I married him. I fell in love with him madly even though I already saw signs of what was about to come. Massive jealousy, controlling, anger issues... I saw all this coming, but thought it wouldn't be nearly as bad as it actually is. I moved from the United States to BiH to be with him, left my family, my school, my work and I feel like such a fool. I feel like I'm missing out on life, and that I sacrificed everything for him but that he can't even try to do something for me. One problem we have is that if I even turn my head in a direction where a male is standing he'll accuse me of looking at him and yell at me in the middle of the street, and make me cry.. and then comfort me. It's come so far that we can't even go out anymore without constant fights accusing me of looking at some guy or wanting to cheat on him. I'm too scared now of him yelling at me and getting mad that I try as hard as possible not to even look up when walking. No matter how much I tell him that I love him, he still thinks that I'd cheat on him. We have many other problems with his drinking and lying that I don't even know where to begin. I just feel like I'm all out of tears to cry and I don't have any strength left in me to fight for our marriage. At the same time I don't know what would happen if I left, I'm too scared of leaving and being regretful when I do leave and falling into depression. Whenever I do mention leaving to him, he either gets mad and starts making me feel guilty or starts acting goofy to make me laugh, and I just forget about the whole fight, and the thought I had of leaving. I just say to myself, he'll change, he has to, he loves me. Well now I've come to a point where I just can't forget, where I just want to leave but am scared.. a point where I feel confused and need someone to give me some advice. Should I stay in a marriage with a person that I madly love but am sick of his lies, and his jealousy, and fights and tears I shed.. or leave and hope that I do forget him and move on with my life... after all I'm only 20.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (7 December 2009):
 It won't get better.. He already drinks, and shouts at you and embarrasses you in front of strangers. He's angry and accusing you of things you don't do.. your frightened to walk in the world with your head held high, your scared and frightened by this man. Soon you'll be too scared to go out, you'll be scared to talk to anyone. You'll start hating yourself and then you'll be able to manipulate. He's behaving like a bully, and instead of telling him to get lost, your changing your behaviour, hoping to calm him down. But he dosen't calm down, you can't please him, no matter what you do, this guy is angry with you.
He's an abuser, this is emotional abuse, your getting sad and depressed already. I wouldn't be surprised if soon he starts hitting you. Leave this guy and go home, you won't regret it if you do. You'll actually feel free and able to breathe for the first time in months. You'll be able to have friends again, you'll be able to smile, to feel proud of yourself. Stay with this guy, and you will keep crying, and keep hiding.. Your turning into a ghost instead of a bright young happy girl, like the rest of your school friends. Your friends aren't living like this, they are out having fun, they are enjoying themselves, they are not scared to go out, and too frightened to talk to anyone in case their guy gets angry. Call your parents and arrange for them to send you a ticket to come home.. This guy is a sick bully and he's treating you like an object instead of a person who he loves... PLEASE LEAVE AND GO HOME, he will never change, he will only get worst.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 December 2009):
He will not change. This kind of man does not change. He is a vicious, spiteful man who will do nothing but hurt and control you, and you need to get away from him. What you did was very brave when you moved away. Unfortunately, this guy has been acting all the way though. He doesn't love you, he just wants power over you, so he can hurt you and control you.
The best thing you can do, and the most important, is to go to the American embassy as soon as you can. They can offer you support and advice. If you have to pack bags, do it.
You can have a good life, but only if you get away from him. You effectively need to start all over again.
I checked the flag and saw that you are in Bosnia? If so, this is the address, telephone number and email of the US Embassy, who can offer you advice :)
UNITED STATES EMBASSY SARAJEVO
Alipašina 43, 71000 SARAJEVO
tel: +387 33 445-700
fax: +387 33 659-722
e-mail: [email address blocked]
For urgent inquiries, please call the U.S. Embassy at 387-33-445-700
Contact them soon, and arrange some way of getting away from your husband. All the best.
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