A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:About 5 months i started seeing this guy i met through a mutual friend. When we first met he chased me so hard and it took a little convincing before i just let go and went for it. As i was trying to get over previously being mucked around by someone. Whenever we met up we got on really well and he took me to lookouts, dinner etc. He was really a nice guy and eventually i became extremely attracted to him and it took everything i had not to give in and just sleep with him. He would hint things like 'thts if you stick around' and how he just wants someone he can wake up to in the morning. I told him how i went away somewhere with my friends and he said 'thats somewhere that would be great to go with a partner' and looked at me smiling. Things that all point to a relationship eventually. We have both only just turned 21 so we are still quite young. Hes never had a girlfriend before.. or a serious one anyway, but he has had lots of sex. I on the other hand have only had one boyfriend. One weekend when we went away with some friends he tried pulling some moves on me. I told him no and ended up explaining that i have only ever slept with one guy and that was my ex. i told him that After 4 months i finally slept with him and he dumped me a week later. I was completely crushed. so this guy promised me he wasnt going anywhere and apologised for being a little bit too pushy. After that everything was great.A month ago we went away again with friends and i felt like i trusted him enough and i slept with him. It was a really fun wkend. I had a very deep conversation with his best friend and he told me how he had never seen him so happy in so long. His best friend is one of my good friends and hes a really good guy and i trusted all the things he said to me.That exact week after going away we all went out for his bday and this guy pretty much blew me off. He kissed me then ignored me then kissed me then rejected me twice. I was really confused and upset(NOT angry). We didnt talk that much since and he wanted to see me again but he was just so busy he didnt have much time. The problem with him is he works 12 hour days 6 days a week about an hours drive from his house. I dont actually know how he is still alive. So he is quite busy and when hes not at work hes usually sleeping and forgets to reply to txts etc and i understand that. Because we didnt see each other for so long, As shameful as it is all i could think about was ripping his clothes off again :(We met up that night..When i saw him the first thing he said was "im so sorry im really bad at this" We talked and i said wow i havent seen you in about 2 weeks and he mentioned that it had been almost a month since his bday(when i last saw him) and i quote him "when you apparently cracked the shits at MYY 21st bday". I didnt crack the shits. i didnt cause a scene NOTHING.. i simply went home a little upset. He didnt even apologize.Otherwise we hung out and got along rlly well like usual then we ended up having sex again. Afterwards he asked if we were still ok? and i said 'i think so, you just really confused me and you had me questioning whether you actually liked me anymore' In which he then told me he wasnt looking for anything serious, and he knows its a huge cop out blah blah blah. I felt absolutely devastated. I tried my hardest not to cry infront of him. I wanted to talk to him and ask him what his intentions were with me when he first met me etc.. get some answers out of him but I couldt say anything else afraid i would cry.. He continued to kiss me, hold my hand and kiss me on the forehead. This guy completely lead me on and im just shattered. I really fell for him and i dont know where i went wrong. Im really starting to questions why i am not good enough for him.He still wants to see me again and i still cant get him out of my head. I think i know where he wants us to lead and im just not sure i want to be that girl. Because i know i will end up getting hurt as someone better will come along and crush me. I know what the right thing is to do but i dont think im strong enough to do it. I want to walk away and make him realised hes made a mistake. Somewhere along the line he decided he didnt want a relationship but is still trying to string me along. We are part of a group of friends and i really wish i could stay friends with him. Do you think its a good idea? I just dont know what to do.
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (18 July 2011):
 That guy is looking for a FWB darling. If that is not what you wanted, then you should have let him know UP FRONT before Sex if he was wanting more than a roll in the sheets.
He would have been leading you on IF he let you know that he wanted you as gf, made plans with you, talked the "relationship" talk, etc.
You assumed.
If you still have feelings for him, I would reccommend you do not hang out with him in a group until you are sure those feelings died. Otherwise, you are going to constantly be revisiting wounded dissapointment that he is fine with sleeping with you, but nothing more.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2011): Okay honey,
This is what you do. Be the first to end this. Tell him you've met someone else and cannot see him any more. Do this via text and do not answer him after this.
Second, you need to realize that you did some things right and some things wrong. Good for you for being honest with him about your past, for communicating what type of person you are, for setting boundaries sexually and making him wait and get to know you better. However, for future reference, if you do not want to be hurt like this again - do not sleep with any man until he officially asks you to be his girlfriend and calls you his gf infront of his family/friends. An " I love you" without girlfriend/boyfriend commitment doesn't count. You need to make things clear before you sleep with a guys about his intentions and relationship status. Be very clear and ask.
Men are good at making ambiguous statements that lead a girl on. For example, I was in your situation once, the guy made a comment, "I hope your future babies will have your dimples". That made me think that he wanted a relationship with me and have kids with me. COMPLETELY not true, he used his words to lead me on, the proceeded to use me and hurt me.
Do not run back to him and become a friends with benefits. YOU are way too good for that. You sound like a smart, sensitive and beautiful person who happens to have learned two very tough lessons. Learn from this, and do not give him the satisfaction of giving him uncommitted sex. Be strong and walk away. Surround yourself with your friends, hobbies and family. Have no space for people like him in your life.
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (18 July 2011):
 Dump him and move on, he is not the guy for you. An honorable man would have told you he wasn't looking for anything serious before he had sex with you, not immediately after. What a jerk!
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