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female
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anonymous
writes: My man can sometimes be very affectionate and loving and passionate so i know he is capable of it , but he dosent react to anything the way i think a man who is in love should, for example, when we split up i went with another guy and when i told him i was more unconsolable that he was , which isnt hard cos he just looked mildly miffed and has never mentioned it since and it hasnt affected his moods in any way to the point i would say he has completely forgotton about it!then a guy tried to force himself on me one night , my man tried his hardest to seem angry but i could tell he wasnt really, and as before seemed to forget about it , so much so that i actually saw him shake the guys hand and pat him on the back at the end of one night outanother time a guy locked me in his house while i was doing my avon rounds i came back shook up telling him what happened and he was half watching tv while i was telling him.i could go on forever with examples like these, including that when something bad happens in our relationship , i could shout , cry, scream, "bang my head against a brick wall" and he never even utters a word! which leaves me more frustrated!i am actually starting to think that he has no feeling for me at all , and that maybe he is just using me for the sex , or something else.i just dont know why he seems to be like this , any ideas?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni dont want him to bear grudges, these things happened to me not because of me , i need the support , but my man isnt there!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi, clarey ,i found your answer informative and intresting, but i am not just talking about getting hit on, i was a bit shy, but , these examples include abuse, dangerous situations , to the point where i dare not leave the house,interestingly you are right i do come from a fiery background , but ido absolutly not want my man to be jealous, i simply feel that he does not react to anything, that a normal loved one would!?theres no way i want him to be jealous just responsive to things.he also has had experiences , i am stuggling to deal with during our split.i am really not crying wolf . althougth , at least your postib=ng has made me realise maybe he underestimates my experiences, and maybe he dosent listen to me
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female
reader, Clarey  +, writes (29 March 2006):
 I don't see anything to worry about except that you are obviously the fiery one and he is "feet on the ground". It is probably a nice balance most of the time because you level each other. On the other hand you want him to show some passion too, which he does but maybe not enough for your tastes. So then you tell him about an incident to try and generate his passion. Have you heard of "Cry wolf"? If I recounted all the times I have been hit on I think my partner would go deaf too. I was once chased through the woods. I have been stalked. I have been pinned down..... I just forgot about them until you started saying about your things. Interesting I think that you are highlighting those occurances. Anyway, perhaps you come from a fiery family where love was shown passionately, with rows, shouting etc. I think he is laid back, trusts you to deal with some things yourself and I think he doesn't bear grudges. All rather fine characteristics. Would you rather he rejected you following your time with the other guy. Do you want him to be jealous? You will have to see whether you can manage with his more gentle nature and wait for the moments of passion rather than try to force them. If you draw up a list of everything he has done for you in the last month you may remember some kind gestures and nice moments that you have forgotten about. Why not arrange a surprise that shows you have really noticed the things he likes and enjoys. Then wait to see how the appreciation is expressed. Just ideas and all the best of luck.
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