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female
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anonymous
writes: I am not sure what love is anymore… I had met this someone and I’ve never felt so strong about someone that I gave all my feelings to…. There was so much in between and his friends caused me a lot of problems when they all starting chasing after me and there was so many rumors… we never settled the problems… I was real hurt….then during Christmas break he had left to Europe for holidays but never came back because of his family… he left for a year…we were just starting our relationship and there was so much confusion in between. During that year everything went downhill for me and all I thought about was him. There were so many words that were never finished and it really upset me. But I began to think it was probably just an episode of infatuation and that there was never love. I did talk to his friends, and I thought about him all the time. But my friends helped pulled me through… I guess he was the first real something to me…. But now he came back… he came back during the summer and we never talked or saw each other and one of his friends told me that he told someone that we were going out… but I never had talked to him since… but now back at school I had to face him with no choice…. we never talked about it… we are friends now… and he has a class with me and all my lunches… I see him so often… but we never talk about it… although there are many times he tells me things I am not sure what he is trying to imply… but I thought I had gotten over it because I can just face him and talk like friends…he would always joke around about girls and I just took it completely like nothing and I was so glad I was over him… I thought I was… he would always tell me about this other girl I don’t know if it was to make me jealous…but I really didn’t’ mind but then yesterday he told me that they were sorta going out… I suddenly felt very sad… I couldn’t help it and I hate to know that I feel that way. I still feel like I love him.. when we are together I care for him so much… I can feel that we still have this bond…he treats me very different from the others … and we are always together… I am so confused of why I’m still talking to him… I just feel unhappy .. I want to stop thinking and loving him. I’m afraid to love him… I don’t even know if I love him…how can I stop keeping him on my mind? How can I stop loving him and caring for him? … I can’t open my feelings the same for any other person anymore… I feel like all my sparkles have died.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2006): How can you stop loving him? With determination but most importantly, 'time' is your friend here, dear. There are no shortcuts. We all experience this. And yes, you will love again but you need to get through this first. It's important that you have faith yourself and know, this is going to take time. The emotional part of your mind, is finding this heartache tough to deal with and is shortchanging your recovery. But your rational mind has to be stronger, and convince you that you will get through this. You have to think rationally and gain acceptance of the way 'it is'. That's the first step. In order to get there, there are some things you could do to help yourself. Please, be good to yourself. Make sure to continue sharing your feelings. Talking over all the things you feel with a comforting friend or trusted family member will help. And never forget-remember what's good about you. This is really important. Sometimes people with hurting hearts start to blame themselves for what's happened. They may be really down on themselves, exaggerating their faults as though they did something to deserve the unhappiness they're experiencing. If you find this happening to you, please stop. Remind yourself of your good qualities, and if you can't think of them because your broken heart is clouding your view, get your friends to remind you. Take good care of yourself. Heart ache can be very stressful so don't let the rest of your body get 'aching' too. Get lots of sleep, eat healthy foods, and exercise regularly to minimize stress and depression and give your self-esteem a boost. Don't be afraid to cry. Going through a break-up can be really tough, and getting some of those raw emotions out can be a big help. We know this is another tough one for guys, but there's no shame in crying now and then. Keep doing the things you normally enjoy and keep yourself busy. Sports, activities, hobbies, socializing..all this is difficult when you're coping with sadness and grief, but it really helps. Most importantly, give yourself time. It takes time for sadness to go away. Almost everyone thinks they won't feel normal again, but the human spirit is amazing — and the heartbreak almost always heals after a while. Sometimes the sadness is so deep- or lasts so long -that a person may need some extra support. For someone who isn't starting to feel better after a few weeks or who continues to feel depressed, talking to a counselor or therapist can be very helpful. Good luck in your recovery..treat yourself well, dear and hang in there. Take care
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