A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 30 year old male dating someone in my age range but just a little younger. We have so much fun together and enjoy each other's company. She does so much for me and I for her. However, I think that at times we are both insecure and it causes us to sometimes be distrustful of the other.There are two main reasons why I am having trouble trusting ehr:1. I have a very hard time trusting in realtionships generaly. I am always afraid that even though things are going well now, they will change for the worse in the future. I base this fear on what a lot of married men tell me about their marriages...you know what many people say: All was well when we dated but then when we married it all went doen the tube.2. My girlfriend is very smart and I sometimes feel that she is pompous and conceited. She is always spweing off these random facts like she were a walking encyclopedia or dictionary. It makes me feel like she thinks I am stupid or something because many times she will explain things to me that are common knowledge and that I alrady know. I feel like saying: "How dumb do you think I am? Everyone knows that if you rub your eyes you might get sick because germs enter your body through mucous membranes. Why did you feel the need to exaplain that to me? Did you think I didn't know???" She tells me that the reason she shows off her knowledge so much is because deep down she is insecure. She doesn't think people give her credit for being smart. I love ehr but I am tired of being made to feel stupid. We think about breaking up because I complain about her conceited attitude but then we take a look at each other, and can't seem to walk away. We then make up. Then, withina week or two we fight again. It's like a vicious cycle. Is this relationship doomed to fail?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): From what I see, there is insecurities on both sides. You are insecure due to the fact that you feel that your relationship is going to fail. Your girlfriend is also insecure for what ever reason and is compensating it by using her intelligence to overcome it.Your girlfriend uses her smarts to make herself feel better about whatever insecurity she has. It makes her feel empowered to have an extensive knowledge of things and can express herself accordingly. The first thing she needs to do is get to the root of her insecurity and work on that. I can see how that makes you feel. Instead of getting into an argument over it, why don't you sit down and talk to her about what exactly is her insecurity and the both of you try to help her solve it.Now your insecurity is a failed relationship. I believe that it has more to do with just bad advice that you are getting from married male complainers. You must have had some failed relationships yourself and hearing from those men are just validating what you already feel. If you already have that insecurity, then unfortunately, that's exactly what is going to happen. As we all know, everything is always beautiful in the beginning. What happens after the "newness" wear off is up to the two of you.The best way a relationship can work is the two of you have to work. You both have to communicate openly and calmly. Not by arguing. You both have to put your insecurities on the table and work together and individually to overcome them. The thing is when you first start dating, you were doing everything right because you wanted to have this person for keeps. Once you have been together for a while, you slowly stop doing those things. What the two you have to understand is that the both of you have to continue this behavior or the relationship will start to get boring and you will start looking elsewhere for compensation. This is why these married men are complaining. The spark is gone and no one is doing the work to keep the marriage flowing. You need to adopt this attitude know for a successful relationship. Once you have, then you will realize that your insecurities are really not founded. Hope that I helped. Best of luck to you and your relationship.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 November 2009):
It is if you continue with this grim approach to it, and it would be a shame.
First of all, you must deal with your own insecurity. You're comparing your own relationship to that of married men, who are also complaining. That has to stop.Just because it went or is going wrong for them doesnt mean it will for you. If anything, it should give your something to fight for. Ask yourself why you really feel insecure. Is there something in your own past that makes you worry that it will fail, or worry that you will end up hurt?
Next, she really isn't conceted at all. Your girlfriend is hurt, but I don't know over what. She is using all her knowledge and all those facts to try and prove that she's worth something to someone, and that someone will appreciate her. She may have very low self esteem and really be in need of a bit of a confidence boost. So I think rather than talking to her about being conceited, you should talk to her about how she feels about herself. The key to any relationship is communication. You both need to sit down and ask each other what you want out of this relationship, and you need to ask each other and talk about why you both feel the way you do. Good luck.
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