A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok this may sound a little bit weird,I am 20 years old and have just got my first girlfriend. This girl was quite a good friend of mine before we got together, and then she told me she liked me I felt the same and we got together. Before we got together I was prayin that we got together cuz she is a decent girl and I really liked her, ive always thought that about her as decent in comparison to some girls, I have always known her to be honest with me. Basically we're both virgins, and before we got together I asked her about her past as in how many guys shes been with she said shes been in two relationships one for two weeks and one for two months - both guys cheated on her. I told her I have been with a couple of other girls cuz its embarassing not to have been with anyone by 20, i think the only reason i haven't been with anyone is cuz i had lack of confidence and was too fussy when it came to girls, i have liked other girls before, and then after being with her for one month she told me she also had a fling, all she did was kissing and she also told me she kissed a couple of random guys before that, she told me this voluntarily without me asking. Her past boyfriends bothered and so did this fling and other guys she's kissed i didnt expect it to effect me but it did. I keep getting visions of her with with those other guys!!!! for some reason it makes me wonder if she's kissed anyone else or done anything else in the past but the fact she told me about the fling voluntarily is that a sign of honesty? And why does her past bother me? Is it cuz i love her? or is it cuz i feel inadequate? Other girls' pasts never bothered cuz i didn't really care lol, one part of me wishes i was more experienced another part of me doesnt want to be with anyone else but her,I have only kissed one other girl properly before her,it feels like i wish i was more exprienced than her! Is that my male ego? ok i know she hasnt done much she is stil a virgin! in comparison to some other girls by 20, but it feels like she has done more in comparison to me if that makes ne sense? I am the first guy she let finger her and the first guy shes got most physical with, i feel close to her physically and mentally! She feels the same, she says she hasnt felt like this for anyone before and has given me her heart! she also told me about her cuzin tryin to rape at the age of 14! she has only told a couple of close friends about this. Ok i feel bad that i keep thinking about her past so recently she went away abroad which meant i couldnt speak to her for 10 days, i thought this would be the opportunity for me to test myself to get over those thoughts of her past but the thoughts haven't stopped! I did miss not being able to speak to her. Why of all the people does this thinking of the past happen to me!!help me!! I've been lookin forward to getting my first girlfriend and first relationship and now i wish i was more exprienced now that im with her! Someone help me get rid of these visions!! i have days when i feel like i dont want anye other girl cuz they are not as good as mine, but other days i wish i was more experienced help me please someone thank you sorry about making u read all that but will really appreciate anyone's help to help me get me through this! I don't want to hurt her i do miss her though!
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both virgins, confidence, her past, kissing Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthnx alot guys for ur help really appreciate it! I am going to slowly become more confident and learn to love myself n appreciate who I am, cuz i feel this will improve my life. I know for a fact this is going to be slow process but i will keep going, I understand that I have got a decent girl thats why i have come onto this site for help i dont wnt to lose her or hurt in neway she is special! Thanks again
A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (6 April 2007):
 Constantly worrying about things is never a healthy thing to do. I know I am a born worrier and have been in a similiar situation but with a girl who was more experienced than myself. I learnt my lessons the hard way. The last thing you want to do is to get paranoid about things. Once that starts its gonna be hard to stop. You both obviously care for each other and have had limited experience with other people. Do the feelings and visions you have make sex more difficult? Experience has to start somewhere. You cant let your jealously rule your relationship because that will lead you further away from the things you want. Just remember she wants you, no-one else and keep that thought in your head. Self-confidence is something which has to grow so talk and be more assertive about your needs. Are you a confident person outside a relationship? If not, start there build yourself up so you see the good points about yourself coz thats what she can probably see its just you may have lost sight of that. She is with for a reason so stop thinking about the other people and focus on the now; you and her. Keep positive and things will change. Goodluck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2007): OK, first, you are feeling too insecure with yourself. It is OK to be a virgin at twenty. You are not a freak. You might be surprised. You are a "romantic" and that is OK, too. More people should be more romantic. I will hazzard a guess that this girl is being honest with you. If your feelings are as honest as you say, you should take her at her word. She obviously wants your good opinion. That means her feelings for you are genuine. And, just between us, kissing is hardly a mark of a "loose woman"! (smile) Stop fantasizing about her "past". I don't think she deserves that, and you are being more than a little immature. Sounds like you have a good thing going here. Don't ruin it out of imaginations.
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A
male
reader, nologo  +, writes (6 April 2007):
 Oh brother, I see that you are really in trouble.
The statement that past is history will not help.
"I keep getting visions of her with with those other guys"
When you feel you start experiencing this, immediately focus on something different.
To keep your mind occupied, pay attention to otherwise unimportant things.
It will help you unless you have gone too far with these visions of her.
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A
female
reader, Stormie +, writes (6 April 2007):
Hey it sounds as if all your visions are merely because of your lack of experience. Which isn't a bad thing at all but you dont have the self confidence that comes with experience in the areas of relationships and intimacy. You are worried that she will compare you to the other guys she has kissed and you might come up short in her eyes. That is not the case at all, the fact that she has told you private intimate details about her life shows that she trusts you, she has feelings for you that she didnt have for those random gays and trust me that makes every kiss so much more special no matter how you do it.
I was in a smiliar situation as you, only getting my first boyfriend at 21 and being his first serious relationship too although he had slept with a few girls before me and I was a virgin. I was so worried that I wouldn't meet his expectations or compare to the other girls that I used to picture him with them constantly until I realised that he was with me because he cared about me and even though I had kissed other guys before he was the first that gave me butterflies and the first that I trusted to really share my emotions with.
So dont worry about who she has kissed before because I know when she is kissing you, shes not thinking about how you do it or who did it better...all she is thinking is how safe and nice it is in your arms. My advice is put it behind you and just work on making her feel special because from what it sounds like..no guy has done that before.
Good luck :)
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