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anonymous
writes: I feel that I am rubbish at sex. I have had several sexual partners but always feel that I am doing it wrong and am not giving them enough pleasure. I enjoy doing foreplay with them but when it comes to sex, I feel that I am not moving in the way they want me to and am not good enough. What can I do?
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (20 May 2005):
 You don't say whether you are male or female but the advice will be the same. If you feel you aren't doing it right, ask them if you are! Ask your partner what pleases them as you would very much like to give them pleasure. When you are moving, ask them if they would like you to move faster, slower, etc. Ask them how they would like it. Gently whisper in their ear when you are making love; "Does this feel okay?" or "What position would you like?" People are different. Some like intercourse to be slow and gentle, others like it to be fast and thrusting. It all depends on the individual and even on the mood at the time. It is okay to ask, even when you are actually having sex. Not necessarily in a conversational tone but more like a husky whisper in their ear.Don't worry, I'm sure you are doing fine, especially if you've received no complaints! Ask them afterwards if they enjoyed it to get some feedback. Relax and enjoy the experience.
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reader, tlynn +, writes (20 May 2005):
ask them what they like and to teach you!!!! its fun for you both
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reader, emah +, writes (20 May 2005):
Try recording yourself or using a mirror and then you decide how you are doing or what you could improve. It works!
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reader, shan +, writes (20 May 2005):
dont think you're not good in bed. it's always in the back of you're mind: i hope I'm doing this right. There is no right or wrongs in lovemaking. Just go with the flow and enjoy it
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2005): record yourself and then you look and see if you could be better
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reader, wwww.datinghaven.com +, writes (20 May 2005):
You need to practise your techniques i think. Read up using books..you laugh but all sexperts do and thats why they are experts.As well as just talking about positions and techniques etc. most of these books would tell you about that confidence makes a big difference and also does your communication and interaction with the opposite sex. Example would be your body language, not actually at sex but the bonding prior to as bf/gf or man/wife can make a huge difference. Alot of the time what makes good sex is all to do with in the brain and not nothing to do with the actual sex itself. The mind is very powerful!If you fall in love with someone you can feel very orgasmic even that you are not having sex at all or even foreplay. Like an Ex-Gf of mine was so in love with me she was like this and it made our sex great.My point is aswell as the Physical Side of Sex there is also a Mental Side and that can be the difference between Ok sex and great sex.At the end of the day its the brain that process the signals to make sex enjoyable etc. so its somewhat logical to work on the brain.It sounds to me that its a lack of confidence thats causing this or it could be simply that you are not in love with the person you are having sex with or they not good at it themselves, therefore you not enjoying it making you think this!
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