A
male
age
36-40,
*rown_ferret
writes:I’ve posted a couple of questions in the past couple of weeks regarding my unresolved feelings for an ex-girlfriend of a friend of mine. As the previous questions mentioned, she ended up becoming a really good friend in her own right and helped me get through an especially horrible period when my depression was raging uncontrollably. Unfortunately, she also helped revive it during the course of this year when I discovered that she was in a happy relationship with someone else. Well, reality has finally sunken in. She's always urged me to start caring about myself and I've realized that a right step in that direction would be to let go of my old romantic obsession with her, especially since she seems to in love with her current boyfriend. However, before I do that, I feel the need to confess to her why I deleted her from my list of facebook friends and stopped hanging out with her completely. I feel the need to tell her that my own frustrated romantic feelings for her led me to alienate her as my friend. By doing this, am I going to get some much needed closure? Or would I instead be truly poisoning our friendship? Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 December 2012):
 Closure is such and elusive beast. Kind of like a unicorn.
Telling her how you feel is not going to do much for her, but it might make you feel better about for a little while.
I personally would NOT "confess" your longing/loving for her, you did the right thing in letting her go. She can put 2 and 2 together and get 4.
If you still have any resemblance of a friendship it will totally ruin it by confessing. It will put her in an awkward position and you as well.
It's Facebook, she will get over it.
A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe  +, writes (23 December 2012):
 Id tell her in this situation with the slight caveat that it is impossible to predict how she will react. The reason I think you should tell her is that the guilt is the last hook of an attachment that you have to her. While its still there you run the risk that you will end up running the risk that the attachment re-forming.
The good news is that although you cant obviously predict her response I think she is likely to appreciate the selflessness of cutting her off rather than putting her in an awkward position by trying to progress on your feelings. The odds are your friendship will emerge stronger if you tell her so that is another good reason to do it. Good luck :)
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