A
female
age
30-35,
*aykaykitten
writes:Ok, so I'm sixteen, and have been dating this guy for four years now. We've had sex tons of times, I lost my virginity when I was fourteen. We've both been through some rough times, and we've both slept with other people. But here's my problem. I've never had an orgasm with a man. Ever. I love him, so I want to make the best of every time we make love. Since I never get off, it obviously isn't about pleasure, its about being close to him. But some pleasure would be nice! I'm starting to wonder if there's something wrong with me. I can get off when I use toys, but not with my hands, and not with him. Sex isn't painful or anything like that... and he's about 8 inches, so its not him. Why can't I get off?? How can I fix it? And how do I communicate to my man that I have faked my orgasms without hurting his feelings?
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lost my virginity, orgasm Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): Ring size! (ha, That almost sounds dirty.)
Hurray! How exciting; good luck to you, too. :D
-Tante Vic
A
female
reader, kaykaykitten +, writes (27 November 2010):
kaykaykitten is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, thank you to everyone that answered... I'm going to try foreplay and maybe incorperate my toys in our lovemaking... he asked for my ring size.... so wish me luck!!
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A
male
reader, ivanichiaynus  +, writes (26 November 2010):
 Have you considered foreplay?
Also, have him bring you off with either fingers or your vibrator a couple of times before penetration and you will be ready to fire off with him inside you....
Ivan.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (26 November 2010):
 Sex is complex and complicated. It's usually harder for a woman to have an orgasm than a man to have one.
If you are using toys (vibrator I'm assuming) it could be that your body is used to the stimulation from the vibrator and let's face it, as much as we would like it to, a man's penis isn't going to be able to do that.
Be open with your partner and explore with each other. Sex is about exploration and being connected intimately with someone (but i think you already know that). Try some new positions; there are certain ones that will hit your G spot and feel really pleasurable. You can go to a bookstore and buy a book on different positions or they have a little slideshow type deal on cosmopolitan.com (the magazine and I love it, you should check it out if you haven't already.)
I've found out that penis size isn't everything, that technique and how you use the penis is what separates from the rest of the pack.
Like YouWish said, Kegel's do help and I mean a lot.
And don't fake orgasm with your boyfriend, if he isn't pleasuring you, then you need to let him know that, otherwise you aren't getting to orgasm and he thinks he is King of the World.
Be open with. I'm sure he will feel great knowing that he can please you.
Good luck and please, keep me updated alright!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 November 2010):
 Honestly, the only way to get what you want during sex is to talk to him. Tell him the truth, even if it hurts. However, I doubt it will hurt him as much as you think if you tell him why.
You know that you have the capacity for pleasure, so that's not the issue. One thing you might want to keep in mind is that the movies and TV are so out of touch with reality. The movies make it easy that one touch from the guy will send you into instant waves of rapture followed by simultaneous ecstacy. That's about as likely as you sitting down to a piano with absolutely no training or practice and playing Beethoven's 5th symphony instantly.
The truth is, sex is a bit more complicated, and it takes lots of communication and adventure, not to mention you needing to be able to tell him what makes you feel good. Just because this guy is large doesn't mean more pleasure for you! Many women don't experience vaginal orgasms.
Experiment with different positions. Try new things by yourself. I'm guessing that if you use toys, they're of the vibrating variety? It's possible that you've gotten used to only responding that way.
Try doing Kegel exercises as well to tighten and strengthen your muscles. They're easy to do - just start and stop the flow of your urine stream several times the next time you have to use the restroom for awhile. You'll see results, including a greater intensity in the orgasms you do have.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2010): I can only make a suggestion for you, seeing as how I'm not there to see what is going on and also I have limited experience, since I've only slept with one girl.
When my ex and I would have sex, we would usually do it missionary position and she would always use her hand to stimulate her clit while we were having sex and it would get her off every time.
Also when having sex, she would always keep her panties on because she said it felt better.
I don't know if any of that will help because everyone is a little different.
All I can say really is help him out, and communicate what you like and don't like
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2010): Mannn, don't fake your orgasms lady! That is a form of dishonesty and is not good at all, especially as "performance" is such a softspot with the fellows.
Unfortunately, coming clean now probably wouldn't do you any good with him, even if you related with him how much you adore that feeling of closeness.
"Size" has nothing at all to do with pleasure and satisfaction (I've usually heard from my girls that "smaller ones" are better if they "know how to use them" and anatomical compatibility is also of the essence...
I wonder if you are truly so discontent with your sex life as it is, sans "big finish". Sex, people often forget (well, Life, too), is not about racing to the end. I think guys? might especially forget this. Try to make it last as long as you can, when time allows, and enjoy and do whatever you think (or rather, instinctively Feel) would heighten each moment's enjoyment (well, this applies to the relationship in it's entirety as well!). Even After, it still isn't over, and there are many more moments to enjoy (then dream away...). I think if you approach sex and intimacy in this fashion, you will find the finish (which, in fact, does not Exist at all) less a Necessity.
I think your guy would still like to be involved in your Finishes in some way, and since his... unusual! "allowance" has not yet "polished it off" (have you tried every -goodness- position?)... he, I hope, still has use of his hannnds and mouuuth and could work something out. If it does not offend his manliness, you could also playfully suggest creative uses of your main "toy"... try it on him, then he on you! If you can use it to get off, why can't He! If you suggest it Right, he'd probably be totally game...
Blushingly,
Tante Vic
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A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (26 November 2010):
 Telling him now probably wouldnt be a good idea, because if it does happen, then he wont believe you. Plus it will hurt his feelings. Girls have a way harder time getting one. Try different positions. Try not to think about it. Just get lost in it. Find something that turns you on about him, something he says/does. And convince him to do it. The harder you try to get one the harder it is to actually get it. There is nothing wrong with you.
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