A
male
age
51-59,
*eebus
writes:High...I'm a married man 10 years into it.My wife has thought, on and off, that I did not love her because I did not 'stick up' for her with my family. She has a small point.... they can be intrusive, but nothing was ever said directly against her.I have delivered 10/10 in all other areas except this one. ( her , now, admission )Anyhow.... she has an EX ( from 5 years before we met ).....who we were friends with for the last 4 years.Anyhow.... I assumed that when my wife would say he was comming over to visit....she phoned him. All cool.About once every 3 week I thought.Anyhow.... a few months ago, I raided the phone records. Contact is like.... every 10 days. She once said that she 'popped' in to have coffee... all cool.... but it turns out she did this a few times. One month last year.... she phoned him 10 days out of 30. I feel lied to. She went on a lie detector and:1. Did not have a physical thing going on.2. Does not love hime at all.3. DID FEEL AS IF SHE WAS DOING WRONG THOUGH.
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female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (18 October 2008):
 I think this has been posted twice, but to save my previous post i will just give you a link to my other post on this matter.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/has-trust-been-broken-can-i-love-her.html
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2008): Lies are wrong but so is disloyalty in another way. if you let your family say bad things about her and let them get away with it just because they are blood...tut tut. However i think your lady has made an EXCUSE for her behaviour and pulled the ONLY thing out of the hat that she could.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2008): Maybe there's a lack of communication between you two and she feels that her ex is a good friend , apparently that's all it is since she's not physical with the guy. Personally I don't think ex's should be friends, friendly yes, but not coming over and such. BUT she is apparently needing someone to confide in and he's the one, only you can change that, be more attentitive to her need for talk time, tell her she can come to you, even if you don't talk back sometimes just listening can speak louder than words.
You sound like a good guy with a level head so just ask her what she's needing from you. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (18 October 2008):
So if you know she didn't cheat and felt guilty for even talking to this ex, what is your problem?
Make effort to be the guy she goes out for coffee and chats so she doesn't have to confide in someone else about her problems because she can talk to you.
Good Luck!! xx
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