A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there I am wondering if there is any advice for a girl like me. I am 25 years old and have never really had a boyfriend at all. I am not that bad looking but I suffer from social phobia which really makes things hard for me. I have been on a few dates from online dating, but they all stopped talking to me after the first or second date. I have never had sex, never been kissed or anything like that and sometimes I feel like such a freak that I can't stand to be alive.I have a couple of men who pretty much just want to get in my pants and I am not willing to do that. I won't degrade myself like that. What I want is a real relationship with someone who loves me. To make things worse I often get told by men that women should have no problem with dating. That all I have to do is just go to some bar and I'll get asked out. I don't drink nor would I ever feel comfortable in that kind of environment. I'm not interested in one night stands (I'd be scared like crazy to do something like that anyways)I know that I should try to get out more, but my fears make me afraid to go to places like bars. I don't know how to connect with anyone. I feel like I am getting too old to find someone at this point.I kind of want to give up on online dating. Its just disappointment for me and I cant stand anymore of that.Is there anything I should do? What is it that men want? DO men dislike female virgins who are 25?
View related questions:
one night stand Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010): Going out an having sex is not the answer. Find a good therapist. Someone who is recommended as a family therapist to deal with your social phobia. Start taking classes. Any classes which have people your own age and your interests. If you like to read, join a book club. You like to cook, take a class. Dishonorable men take advantage of shy girls. The men you have dated had enough integrity not to take advantage of you. Count yourself blessed. Do not under any circumstances ask a man out because you want a boyfriend. They will take it as a sign you want sex and use you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): You should wait. It will mean a lot more if it's with someone who you care about and who also cares about you. I had a problem similar to yours, and the guy I am with, has helped me work out some of my fears, and sex with him is pleasurable now because we worked up the trust and everything. I would wait until you find someone. Have you thought about joining a gym? Yoga? An art class? Cooking class? Anything to get you out with other people and find someone with at least one thing in common is a good start. Best of luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): Do you have any female friends? If not start there. Also, simply talk to people you see in your day to day life. The sales clerk at the grocery store, the bank teller, etc., just get comfortable talking to strangers.
I will be truthful and tell you that there are some men who will be put off by a 25 year old female virgin, but not all of them not by a long shot. Figure out what kind of guy you'd like to date and what kind of activities you enjoy and you will get dates and eventually a boyfriend.
Be patient, this may take a while but it will happen.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have been in therapy for several years and it has helped a lot in some areas. I can now go to college and work without a lot of issues. Its my personal life that is affected now. I feel just really miserable and humiliated I guess because I feel so very abnormal. I don't think I deserve the kind of loneliness I experience.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): Also, no DO NOT have sex without having a relationship. I'm speaking from personal experience here. You will regret it and end up feeling used and that will not help your self esteem.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): I think you need to address this phobia before you think about dating. Have you tried therapy? If not i reccomend you do because social anxiety can be really tough on a persons social life.
I know how it feels because i suffer from a mild case of it too. It was worse when i was younger but i've slowly grown more confidence now i'm in my early 20's. I would avoid most social gatherings and people must have thought i was pretty rude making up lame excuses not to go to parties and what not.
I really think therapy would help you greatly and once you start to gain a bit of self confidence things should start to fall into place.
Forget the online dating because that's obviously not going to help right now. Work on yourself first, there's plenty of time to start dating so don't worry.
Feel free to message me.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): And in reply to your follow up I would say you should persevere with finding the right guy being emotionally vunerable can just put you out for hurt which could make you even more scared of going out into social environments and trying again
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): Man don't dislike 25 year old virgins at all and there are so many people on this website with this "problem" .
It's not that your a 25 year old virgin that would put a guy off it's probably that your shy. Men are emotionally as thick as anything sometimes but they have this deeply intuitive sense where they can tell whether your confident or not, confident girls tend to attract more guys and unconfident girls will still attract girls but generally they will be more controlling And the type of guy who will prey on a woman.
I don't know what a social phobia is so I will give my general advice and you will just have to do it if you can, you should join a club of something your interested, there you can meet a like minded guy and will be surrounded by people which is something you can get used to in a friendly atmosphere, hope this helps xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'd also like to ask if I should just go out and have a bunch of sex without having a relationship or if I should wait. I'm so shy that I don't trust most people so I am really confused. Please help..
...............................
|
