A
male
age
51-59,
*annio111
writes:*OP's Original Title*I told the story in my last post...I am 42, she is 27, recently married...together about 2 years. We had separated for about 2 weeks last fall and i recently found out she had sex with a 22 year old guy during that period. At first it hurt...by now i'm getting turned on thinking of it. I love her very much...and we have a great sex life...but her being sexual with someone else is suddenly a huge turn on to me. At first i thought maybe a 3way...or me watching her...but now, I am thinking it doesnt even matter if i am there. I'd like to give her permission to have sex with other men whenever she wants, as long as she is 100% sure they are disease free, and as long as she promises it will be only sex and get away from the person right away if there is any emotion. I know she HATES the idea of me with another woman, and that's ok...but wow...what a turn on. Not sure why other than fear, adrenaline...perhaps deep seeded competiton fact that would make me want her even more than I already do. My wife is just gorgeous. and GREAT in bed... Am i dooming my relationship if i tell her that i WANT her to have sex with other men ... while i remain faitlful to her?
View related questions:
period, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Myrrh  +, writes (12 June 2010):
 Yes you are. As a woman i know if i became emotionally interested in another man it would be because i was attracted to him! And i would run towards him, not away from him! Common sense should tell you thats also the sort of guy your wife would run towards, not away from. Imagine the scenario. Shes lying in the arms of a man she obviously finds attractive. Theyve just made love and they are talking. Hes curious. Shes attractive and good in bed. He finds her great company. He cant understand how you can use her that way. He tells her shes beautiful and deserves much better. HE wouldnt let other men sleep with her. Your old enough to be her father and the way you are using her is so wrong. She agrees with him. They turn their phones off and go to sleep. You sit up all night getting her answer machine. Still sexy? Basically you cant mess with other peoples lives just to service your sexual kinks. It might work for a while but soon your wife will either find someone who will truly love her and treat her with respect. Or she will start to feel shes being used as your wh*re and resent you for it. I cant see how you will benefit long term. I would leave it all alone and use a fantasy. Role play maybe? Ask her to pretend shes slept with someone else and "tell" you all about it. It will be much safer.
A
female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (12 June 2010):
 Maybe being so turned on by the idea of her cheating is a kind of defense mechanism, so you won't have to totally feel the betrayal. When you asked "am I dooming the relationship", I think that is a telling statement. Perhaps it indicates you are actually covering up real hurt, and subconsciously you want to ruin the relationship. Perhaps the trust/real commitment is already out the window for you.
She is a real person, your wife, and like it or not, there are deeply ingrained social mores that help shape your relationship. Living in, and taking part of society/civilization, is part of a relationship. Asking her to step outside of that, somehow makes her less your wife, and more a fling/fantasy. I think its a confusing thing, and you shouldn't do it. Upsetting the structure of a relationship is not usually a good idea. Instead, maybe you can focus on fixing the cracks in the foundation.
Good luck to you...
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 June 2010):
 Yes, I think you're probably setting yourself up for failure. Some fantasies are much better as fantasies than reality. Sure it turns you on to think about it, but what happens when it's real and she's not there? Remember how much it hurt even when you were broken up? I don't know you and maybe this kind of thing would work, but it sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.
...............................
|
