A
female
age
51-59,
*eenyB
writes:Goodness, where to start!I met my husband in 1998. For me it wasn't love at first sight, but rather relief that I was still atractive to the opposite sex after several hideous relationships. We married in 2002 and our son was born in 2003.From the outset it was clear that he had a problem with money - in that he wanted and expected to be able to spend what we didn't have. I was also majorly at fault for letting him. He didn't work, and in the 9 years that we have been together now he has amassed work time of about 2 years. Again, I let him get away with such lazy behaviour. To this day I do not know why I wasn't strong enough to put a stop to this behaviour.Indeed, I went completely the other way and like an idiot to try and claw ourselves out of the debt that I let him get us into, I stole money from my employer - A LOT of money over the first 6 years of our relationship. I was of course found out, and I actually served a 7 1/2 month prison sentence as a result from 2004 - 2005.I had hoped that this happening to me, would have made him realise exactly what his money habits had done to us. But slowly since my release he has returned to his own ways, and me to mine of just relenting for a supposedly easy life.This isn't by far the only problem that we have. In the near 9 years that we have been together, he has only ever bought me 1 Christmas card, never a birthday one. I'm not a materialistic person, but its key too that he has never ever bought me a present for any occasion (or non-occasion for that matter). I feel that he completely takes me for granted, and our sex life is all on his terms too.And why you might ask am I only NOW seeing all of these problems as ones that I want to escape from? Well, I have met someone else. Purely platonic, as a friend as he is coming out of a bad relationship and I, of course am married. But he has given me more support, love and friendship in a matter of weeks, than I can ever remember my husband doing. So now that I know that I am missing out on so many aspects of a happy relationship, I feel that maybe the time has come to call it quits. Going back to my first comment about it not being love at first sight. I'm not that sure that it has ever been love - not in the true heart sense.Sorry that this is such a long first post from me. So many thoughts in my head and I just wondered if any of you kind members would be able to say what you feel. Should I stay in this relationship, or should he go?I know that I have barely mentioned my son's name in this, and that is because I personally feel that he needs to have two happy parents to make him happy - whether or not they are in the same relationship.Thanks so so much in advance.
View related questions:
christmas, debt, money, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (3 March 2007):
 You're right, your son DOES need two happy parents and two assertive parents that can show him the best way in life. You are definitely NOT happy in this marriage, in fact the whole marriage has been a struggle for you. You didn't marry for love and you are resenting him now. He doesn't show you love and affection and treat you the way he should be and he's lazy too. You know what you need to do don't you?
You've gotten just a little taste of what it's like to be loved, treated as an equal, listened to and admired. You need to assert yourself here and do what is best for yourself! This relationship is dead and has no chance of surviving, there is only hurt and resentment here. My advice to you is let your husband know that as much as you like him (note like, not love) you really don't see a future together and think it's best that you both go your seperate ways.
Once you close one door, another one opens. You deserve to be truly happy and maybe this other man is just the person to do that. Close the door on your marriage and walk through the open door and embrace the future!
Eve
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (2 March 2007):
 Is there any hope of your husband changing? Have you told him how you feel? If you think there is the slightest chance, then try coucilling. I'm going to have to quote Ann Landers and Dear Abby - "Would you be better off with him or without him?". I do get from the tone of your letter that you have left the marriage emotionally. If you really feel that you would be better off without him, I think you should forgive yourself and do what's best for you and your son. It sounds as if you have tried your best. It takes two adults to create a sound marriage and your husband needs to grow up and be accountable for his own life instead of leaning on someone else. It sounds like you have reflected on the choices that you have made with past and current relationships - Take some time before you step into your next relationship and best of luck.
...............................
|
