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female
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anonymous
writes: How do you know when a marriage has run its course?Is it when after 10 yrs together and your husband still won't compromise on even the smallest thing, like who gets a lie-in at the weekend because he works and you spend all your time raising the kids? Or is it when you spend more time apart than together, because he goes out every other night with his friends and it's then your choice if you go out the other nights with your mates or you spend it stuck in with him?Or is it over when you can't tell the difference between one week to the next because it all just feels like a repeat of the last?How about a sex life? What if you would like it more than once a week? He doesn't and when you do have sex it isn't as great as it was, and your husband won't try your suggestions to make things better?Or is it over when even though you say you love him, behind his back you start an affair with a trusted friend who knows how you feel and offers what you need? Even tho you both agree that it should stop?Can such a marriage be saved? Or is it over?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2006): I have tried again and again to do as you all suggest..the date nights,babysitters even the wild times to try and get back that spark..but there is only so much asking I can do until i get fed up with hearing No" or "i dont want to "he acts like a spoilt child if he doesn't get things his way.My whole life has to fit around him and i'm getting fed up being the one who compromises all the time!
An affair with My Friend has not started..yet..there has been no physical contact between us ,just the implication of what we would like to do to give each other, the excitement we both want!My Friend is aware there wont be anything other than freindship and occassional sex between us..I'm fine with that..so is he.i dont know how long this would go on for maybe just the once is enough.i dont know but i'm running out of reasons to stay with my husband
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (12 July 2006):
 You are obviously deeply unhappy and your needs are not being met by your husband. If he is not willing to talk about your problems then you need to at least try realtionship counselling. Does your husband know how deeply unhappy you actually are? Have you tried to tell him?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2006): In all honesty, a marriage never runs it course. Let people get caught up in the world and tell you did your best and throw in the towel. They are wrong.
You are never done giving your best to the man you love.
Marriage is about growing together and not apart.
Marriage isn't happily ever after, it's hard work and making sacrifices and you sure shouldn't be keeping score.
Where is the man you married you wonder? Right in your home and in your bed.
You failed yourself and your husband when you made the poor choice of having an adulterous affair.
Sex is not the be all in a marriage. The value and true meaning of Committment is underrated these days.
You should hire a babysitter and join your husband when he heads out. You should invite him when you go out. You should establish an official date night where the two of you go out and talk about anything other than kids and bills. You should spend time learning about one another. You shouldn't let him off the hook so easily.
Get kinky ahd wild. Tell him you want and deserve the oppurtunity to be the woman he needs in the bed and out of it and he needs to start speaking as you are at your ropes end.
Instead of spending the days, months, hours, minutes, seconds of working yourself up to have an affair...you should have been pouring it BACK into your MARRIAGE.
You've made your husband out to be some uncaring troll so it would be easier and excuseable for you to do what you did with some man who doesn't even have the foggiest of who you are and what you need.
Marriages are worth saving. Families are worth saving. Your children want you to be together.
YES it is worth saving and start this moment. End the affair, go to counsellling and confess to your husband and ask his forgiveness.
You will be happier and will have peace when you do so.
It's not going to be easy but it is worth it, worth everything.
I really hope you desire to save your marriage and remember why you married your husband.
Do well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2006): It sounds like you want to stay in this marriage but you want your husband to change his ways. You have been married for 10 years and now everything has become routine and mundane. The first thing you have to do (if you want it to work) is to let go of the "trusted friend". If you don't, you will not be able to concentrate on your marriage. The second thing you need to do is suggest marriage counseling. If he refuses, make an appointment and go alone. Talking to a counselor may help you figure some things out for yourself. After you have done these things and you are still feeling trapped in your marriage, and you feel that divorce is the way to go, make a list of assests that you and your husband have. Including bank accounts. Also make a list of liabilities like credit card debt, house payment etc.. If you are going to leave, you need to prepare yourself and figure out how you will support yourself and your children. This is not an easy road to travel. Good luck to you.-J
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A
female
reader, dummyduckling +, writes (11 July 2006):
 Well...It really depends on the love and the trust of the two of you if you both really love eachother and care for another then a sit down with him may be the answer some issues you have raised can take a long time to overcome if they can be overcome at all but if you want this marriage to last then sit him down and tal about the things that are bothering you and try to comprimise on things and if it was ment to be things wil soon work them selfs out and if not well he will be a fantastic memory, just take it slow and talk to him. i hoped that helped good luck.xxx
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