A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife keeps filling me in about things she has done in her past as we go along in our marriage. Each time she hits me with something it is shocking to me and I do not know how to react, and then she throws a fit saying she can't trust me with the information. She has done so many things that make me wonder about her - and quite frankly it hurts. I'll tell this first: When we were dating I introduced her to my friends (a man and his fiance'), I worked with the guy. To sum it up she started going over to their place without me - and I felt something was off. I asked her about it later on and she admitted to having a threesome with them.This just goes on and on, it is seeming to become more of a nightmare for me. I wanted to believe she was my soul mate - but I am beginning to wonder if she has tarnished hers so much that I should not be with her??She slept with another man while we were dating and got pregnant. I work out on the ocean - and she had left me a message to call her. I called her and she told me that she was pregnant. I asked if it was mine. She said it was a 50% chance (which in all reality she knew was a lie). There was no chance that baby could have been mine. Things continued to be weird. I basically wrote her off - but then she sent me and email about how much she really loved me and wanted to be with me. I decided to stay with her (a choice I sometimes really question myself about). I came home from working for 3 months straight and was going to take her on a cruise (she was 7 months pregnant). That is when I asked her about the threesome and she confessed. Then she also confessed that there could be 2 other possibilities for the babies father (she was sleeping with 4 guys at the same time)Well, to sum that up - I decided to stay with her through the pregnancy. Since then things have become more and more rocky. She keeps finding the strangest times to tell me things from her past. She has been with women. I guess I won't go into too much detail - but she has let women do her with a strap on. I feel like she is still attracted to women. Some of the things she has said point that way. She has been with more than one man at the same time.She just told me last night that she has been paid for sex.After she told me that - she flipped out on me saying I was judging her and that she doesn't trust me. That's why she doesn't tell me about her past. I am just wondering what else there could be that she can't tell me? It has been a couple years the baby is almost 3 now. I have been trying to do my best. I've been supporting her trying to help her get through RN school. I have been raising another mans child for the last 3 years.To top it off - she now wants to separate because she says I am an alchoholic (the only time I drink is on rare occasion - maybe once a month if that). So she wants to separate until I can show her that I am not an alchoholic. So I am just wondering if it's even worth it to try and stay with her?? I think she has made me a little crazy - and I kind of feel crazy for staying with her his long. She seems to have a chemical imbalance and always flips out over the smallest little things. I guess I will use our separation time to decide if we should divorce - which it seems like it's pointing that way. It sucks I will not have rights to the little girl as she is not mine if we separate. Sometimes I feel like love is not enough. I am feeling it is pretty one sided - for she wants to put blame on me with the alchohol for our problems. I think our problems run much deeper. I think she has scarred herself by her past. I really don't want to judge her by her past - but sometimes I feel like she is sucking the life out of me.
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divorce, fiance, her past, soulmate, threesome Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010): Is it worth trying to stay with her? In short...no.
This woman has way too many issues not the least of which is the fact that she got pregnant by another man. When you separate from her don't leave a forwarding address and count yourself lucky that you are free and clear of her. Don't even look back. She sounds like a whacko.
A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (27 July 2010):
 Why do you even want to forgive her? You've done enough of that in this relationship I think. Unless you have some really good reason to do so, it's about time you looked for brighter prospects.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): dude, first of all, she can't blame you even if you were an alcoholic, apperently she gave you enough reason for it but, being able to forgive is a great thing yes and you really are a saint. I think you deserve much, much better, really. Being modern is ok, but you have to be a man here, even if it's hard sometimes you should know how to take your leave, whatever she says, whatever she does, just know basing on your info, something is not right with her and she absolutely has no respect for you, or for your efforts. I mean, threesome? Getting pregnant? paid for goddamn sex? what are you doing man, what the hell is this. Get rid of her, just tell her off. Do support the child though, even though hes not yours, he hasn't done anything wrong. I really wish you the best of luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (26 July 2010):
My man, you are a saint. But when you look at this women, this is a woman who cheated on you with at least 3 other men and got pregnant by one. She then goes on to treat you like complete and utter crap. Maybe it is her past that has made her this way. But she hasn't' done a thing to help herself, or to change. Instead, she's cheated, got pregnant, and now blames you. I know you won't have rights to see the child, and that will hurt a lot. But you cannot live like this. Get a divorce ASAP. You know she will hurt you again, and continue to hurt you and blame you. Just run.
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