A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi Everyone. I need help sorting my head out. My partner and I split up in February after just over 4 years together. After quite a few conversations in between then and now, we decided to try and make it work again. He was the one though that texted me quite a few times after the split and was desperate to try and sort things out between us. I really didn't know what to do as although we get on really well, I'd lost something from the relationship and in my feelings for him. We didn't live together but both have children from other relationships. He's also 46 and I'm almost 39. It seems so daft that I know we get on really well and he really does think the world of me but I really don't know if I can give him the same back. He says he loves me and I really can't say it back!What can I do? How can I get to the bottom of my feelings - I really don't want to hurt him but I'm not sure I could spend the rest of my life with him either. Many thanks.
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female
reader, On Cloud9 +, writes (23 September 2007):
 I suspect you already know what to do, deep down. From what you say your heart is trying to tell you that you do not really have that connection that you need from this guy.
Your head is telling you that you have a guy here that thinks the world of you and will treat you well, and those attributes are great and highly recommended in any relationship, its only what one should expect regardless - but above all this you really want and deserve to be in love and secure with your choice of partner.
Do you usually have confidence in you decision making? I mean if you normally can make decisions easily then I would definitely say that your heart is really not in this relationship and despite all the effort you put in now, you will likely be going nowhere.
Whereas if you normally have problems making decisions then you may be suffering from low self esteem issues and do not trust your own judgement.
Having been in a similar situation myself, I would say, relax and concentrate on yourself and do things that you want and build your confidence and enhance you social life and don't make it all about this guy. And when you are in a good place in life and happy with yourself then you might be in a better position to make that decision.
Good luck
A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (22 September 2007):
 if in doubt, the best way is out.
i'm sorry but i always think that an ex is an ex for a reason. there are always times when we ponder over whether we made the right decision or if our feelings will rebuild themselves iof we try and make the relationship work but the harsh reality is, no.
you'll hurt him more if you stay with him just to make him hapy because there will be an enormous amount of strain on the relationship on yuor part, trying to convince yourself that you could make it work.
my honest opinion is you should tell him the truth and try to move on, if he texts, delete it, withuot reading it, that way there are no temptations.
good luck
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