A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So I met a girl on the internet through online gaming, this was about 8 months ago. We chatted casually on and off till just before Christmas when we started talking a bit more and exchanged facebook details and stuff. We started to flirt more and more after that and on Christmas day we spent about 8 hours talking, the next week or so we spent more and more time just talking to each other. We decided to meet up at the end of January (last weekend) and we talked more over vent and stuff and it was immeadiatly clear to me just how well we got on. I was nervous about meeting her and she was me, we realised that we lived over 200 miles apart and so we both though distance could be an issue. When she came to stay she was incredibly nervous, for some reason I wasn’t, not really sure why. The weekend went amazingly well we spent the whole weekend talking and hugging each other, we slept together but really that was secondary in importance to the other stuff. She’s not good at talking about stuff, but I have managed to get out of her that the weekend meant a lot to her as well as to me - I thought I imagined the whole thing at one point. Anyway when it came that she had to leave we hugged and kissed and she said she’d come back soon, the next day she said she’d be back to visit 3 weeks later. We talked on and off, and then a few days later she said she didn’t want anything to happen between us but that she’d still come back to visit. This left me somewhat confused, she has changed her mind back and forth before but still I was confused. I asked her why and she said she felt so lonely when she had to leave and didn’t want to have a long distance relationship. I understand both these points, I totally share the concern about distance, it wouldn’t be easy, but it was the kind of weekend that doesn’t come along all that often and I feel it has to be given a chance! Whats more is the feeling of lonliness which I had saying goodbye to her has only grown since she said she didn’t want to try!So couple of things, should I persist with her to give it ago or is she right and we should just stop before either of us gets to attached again? And what happens if when she comes to visit again we have that same feeling of loneliness when we part even if were just friends?Saz
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female
reader, jc82  +, writes (5 February 2010):
 In my opinion, when a relationship is long-distance from the beginning, it is far too prone to being more fantasy than reality. You just miss out on so much, by not being able to physically be with the person. And then, if you do eventually live near each other, its a really strange adjustment. So, take it for what you will, but as an answer to your first question, I would say halt the relationship now, until it could maybe work out that you live closer to each other in the future. But, I realize this is very unromantic advice! And you shouldn't totally neglect your feelings, if they are strongly encouraging you to give it a go.
Even if she visits next time just as friends, and you both feel that loneliness when you part, but I highly doubt it will be as acute as the last time. Sex is usually more of an emotional experience for girls than for guys, and she may have felt worse about parting than you, because you slept together. If separating is just as bad, then maybe you will need to find a better long-term solution. Also, it might mean a lot to her if you go to her. Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2010): Persist her! You said she was confused and was on and off about what she wanted? Thats because her heart is saying YES but her head is saying NO. I think she really really cares about you and had just as great of a time as you had, but she's worried that the distance will hurt the both of you. Is the love good enough to make up for the hurt?
Read between the lines though! The more she's hurting because of being away from you, the stronger she feels about you! If you feel the same way about her, don't give up. But, make plans of moving closet to her. Yes the distance will hurt her very much, if she already misses you imagine how much alone she'd feel when feelings develop?
So if you want this girl: move closer to her. Or go see her more often, why does she have to come to you? You can go to her. How much does it cost to travel? Start looking into how you can get closer to her. I know you might think "I can't move when Im not even sure if we're going to be a couple", but you know what, her thought is "I can't be a couple when he's so far away". So make that decision, move and get the girl, or stay put and not have her.
It sounds to me like the two of you have something really good though! So don't give up on that! Talk to her about you moving, or her moving to you. Making plans like that makes the distance feel shorter. Of course, get to see her in person as much as possible in the meantime, but with the long term goal to move to her.
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