A
female
age
36-40,
*ovemeright11
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for a full 7 months now and we will be going on out 8th, its not crazy long but I knew when we first got involved in about 3 months time that I loved or love him but I am realizing that now I am feeling not so sure about it. When we first started our relationship he would always ask for his "me time" and we used to see each other maybe 1 or 2 times a week but now he is always available but the one thing that has not changed is he has not been able to say he loves me back at all. I thought i was okay with the fact that he did not feel love at the same rate I did. I told myself oh maybe in about a full 6 months he will feel it or at least think he is getting there but to this day he still feeling nothing. I am worried cause I think this could be effecting my own love for him now. Even if he may express a deep love through his actions I still need to hear it and I already told him that I think my max for waiting around is a year but I am finding it harder as the weeks go by to just except being in a relationship where I can't hear him say "I love you" back or just randomly when he feels it in his heart, which is how I knew I loved him. I knew when I felt I could not hold back my feelings anymore it got uncontrollable and I let it finally burst out when I had too. Anyways does anyone think I have a right to be worried? I really feel its effecting everything even our sex life. I feel like how can I make love to someone that does not even love me? it is starting to really feel like just plain sex and no emotion. Like i was saying before he is now very attentive which he was not in the beginning which makes me think something has changed in the time we have been together so maybe I should not worry but he always has time for me. Last week we spent everyday together but Monday and I wonder if that was a good or bad thing cause maybe I am having too much of him also and need space but I feel very unsure if that's what it is or if I am losing love. He is a great guy I want to stay with him but I just have no clue how to go about this?? If anyone has advice please let me know thank you.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 June 2011):
 There's a classic saying that women fall in love when spending time with their partner, and men fall in love when spending time apart from their partner. Or something up the lines of that.
What it means is that the more time you spend with him, the more you long for a connection, for his love. Him on the other hand will need to spend time away from you to be able to "see" how he feels about you. If he'll miss you, long for you, need you, then he will know how he feels.
So what I am saying is, not to take a break or anything, but get yourself a little busy. Take a week-long or two week long trip away, either on vacation or to visit your parents or something. Just to give him a little taste of feeling what it's like to not have you around. He needs to miss you.
That's just an idea though, people are all different and he might not react much to it. But, if he DOESN'T miss you, then something is wrong. If he does miss you though I think things are as they should and you just have to be patient when it comes to his feelings. He cares for you, even if he doesn't say the words "I love you".
Love shown through action is always better than through words anyway.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2011): He may just find it hard to vocalise his feelings or he may not feel it yet. Some people take longer to get to the 'love stage' than others. U could talk to him about but I doubt it would do any good, besides u dont want him to say that he loves you because you asked him to say it. Mentioning might be okay, but a deep talk might scare him away. It seems as if your only options are:
- to stay where you are and be satisfied with his actions, and hope that someday he can say the words to you.
- stay with him until it gets too much to bear and then find someone new.
- leave now
I think that you should give him a bit longer and maybe just mention to him that you need to hear the words. If he needs more time then thats fine, but if he just isnt feeling it, then that is something else
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