A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:MODERATOR'S NOTE: 2 Questions from same asker combined.Question for men. If you are watching a movie and a nude woman is in the scene, does it turn you on? what does it make you feel or think? Truthfully, I never thought too much about this before until one day my boyfriend and I was watching a movie and a naked guy was on the screen. He acted very uncomfortable and put his hand over my eyes. I felt that as an adult and seeing these images in movies over and over, it really doesn't do anything for me. But considering his reaction to me seeing another man nude, made me wonder what his experience was. He is very uncomfortable around nudity or sex scenes in front of me.I have issues with being totally naked in front of my boyfriend. I wasn't always this way with him. But then he cheated and I found out he watched porn behind my back. So through all that, I do feel somewhat insecure naked in front of him. I use to think he loved me, flaws and all, but of course, now I feel that I have competition that I just can't compete with. I know this isn't correct, but that is what I am fighting with in my mind. He knows why I feel this way. First off, he waited until the last minute for us to have alone time to intiate sex, then we were about to have sex, I was lying half naked under the covers and asked him to turn off the lights. He got up and got dressed. He said "nevermind". he said that it made him feel like I didn't want to see him. He also said that it makes him feel like I will never get over what he did. It ended up in an argument because he said my issues were his issues too. So I was left sexually frustrated and told him fine, I'll take care of it myself. then he stormed out an left. what is his deal here? I feel like he was trying to pick a fight or avoiding sex for some reason. but he says he wasn't. it wasn't the first time I asked him to turn off the lights. sometimes he turns off the lights. his reaction to me asking him to turn off the lights just seemed to be a bit much.
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his ex, insecure, porn, sexually frustrated Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, I am very secure sexually. Well, use to be. He is very insecure. I can tell by other ways, but it now seems that I am the insecure one in the relationship. I didn't use to be this way, but now I feel like I am ridiculous at times and take things way too personally, when I didn't use to.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2011): "But then he cheated and I found out he watched porn behind my back."
"He acted very uncomfortable and put his hand over my eyes."
He's got serious hangups around sex. I'll not even try to imagine why, the list of possible issues is quite long.
The cheating is rather interesting as well. You may feel insecure, but comparatively you may be far more secure than him based on what you write here.
I'd get professional couples counseling help, and if he won't go then shove him out the door, because this will go nowhere fast.
Cheating takes years of hard work to get over.
Years.
Very few relationships survive it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2011):
To be honest, nudity in movies makes me really uncomfortable unless I am horny - even more uncomfortable if I am with someone else while watching. Nudity in art doesn't bother me at all.
As for your other question, he cheated on you. Stop trying to figure him out and dump him.
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A
male
reader, freeme +, writes (29 June 2011):
 OP- Men are visual creates. We are stimulated by sexual imagery. So yes, we often get a little turned on by nude scenes on T.V. Does it enrage us with passion? Not likely. It's just a little turn on. But then, all men are different.
It sounds to me like maybe he feels a little guilty for hurting you with the porn thing, so when you ask him to turn out the lights it reminds him of this, and you both get instantly defensive.
I think you would both benefit from a long communication session. Tell each other how you feel about what happened, and what you expect moving on.
I think you need to trust him to see you naked. I know its hard for you, but it will mean a great deal to him. Exposing your entire self, naked to him, really is a symbolic act of trust. He'll get this, and things will improve. Good Luck.
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