A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:To be honest, I do not know what is going on but I will try to explain it. Five years ago, I met this guy and we started dating. This was around 2006. We ended up talking until 2008. At that point we went to different colleges and distance was an issue. Well it wasn't an issue to me, but I guess his insecurities built up because his "friends" would constantly tell him that they saw me "hanging with other guys" which was totally false. Basically his friends would feed him lies and he would eat it up. Long story short, this caused the breakdown of our relationship. It even got to the point where he told me he slept with this other girl to get back at me. I couldn't take any of the drama so I left. This was in 2008. Afterwards, he would still try to talk to me and hang out but I didn't want to do anything with him. We ended up running into each other in 2009 and had a really heated discussion. I told him that as of now we are "just friends" and nothing else will ever come of that. He really seemed upset and was asking why he couldn't be more. I told him that in all honesty, he should be glad I am offering him that because I didn't even want him in my life anymore. (I do not like keeping people in my life who hurt me). So afterwards, he accepted being my friendship but it seems like he wants more because he is constantly trying to get my attention. He says he misses me and other things but I feel like he shouldn't even bother because he had his time. In 2010, I spoke to him as a friend but I wouldn't do things with him that I would do with a boyfriend or even a close friend. Basically I would occasionally speak to him and maybe have brief conversations with him and others. He wanted to hang out around Christmas but I turned him down and said I was going with my girls. Then he asked about new years day and I told him I don't like hanging with him like that anymore because we are not dating. Besides, I know I shouldn't go off of heresay but I was told that he now has a girlfriend. But it was like during that conversation he flipped out and was like why am I ignoring him, I don't love him anymore, and why can't things be like it use to be. But I just don't know. I feel like we have been through so much back and forth that it is really so hard for me to take it all. I told him this and he seemed to understand, and then I also told him it breaks my heart to hang with him because what is the point. It will always be something else.......After I told him all of this our conversation ended. But he started sending me texts about he is sorry for this, he is sorry for that, he is sorry for hurting my feelings, and all kinds of stuff.....I won't say that I don't care because I still do love him. But I love myself too and I feel like I need to just focus on other things in life. I don't know what to think of this situation. I don't know what he really feels. I don't know if this is a joke...........SoConfused
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): Hi, I am the poster of the question. When him and I first ended everything it was because he had insecurities about me supposedly dating other guys (This was not true but his friends told him this.)
In addition, we talked about many things and at one point I told him I was talking to someone else and it was serious and he seemed to get real upset and his eyes watered up like he was about to cry or something. I have to admit, I am cold towards him but I must protect myself.
But other than that one thing, nothing major ever happened between him and I. And I know for a fact this girl he talks to now supposedly doesn't like me for some reason but she doesn't even know me. In addition, I am in a newly formed relationship......And yeah........
A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (2 January 2011):
Do you want to be with him or not? More simply, do you trust him?
If you can answer those questions you'll know what to do. No matter what confusion your feeling about your past, present and future with this guy, there is always an answer in the back of your mind.
If the answer is no... leave it at that and move on.
If the answer is "Well...yes, but..." Ignore the "buts" and concentrate immediately on what you answered. You said you wanted to be with him and that you trust him. Your heart is telling you that he is being sincere and that some part of you really cares for him. Once you assess it like this, its much easier to decide.
Look, in the end, every relationship has its terrible periods. People are flawed, no one is perfect. Everyone has baggage and emotions that manipulate their actions. Its important that you find someone who you can really care for and who is willing to overlook your flaws as you do with theirs. Find someone to lean on, yet someone you'll support when they lean on you. If you don't think he can fit into those criteria, then he isn't worth your time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): You said he has a GF, why is he talking to you like this? Not a good guy. Your gut is right. You know exactly what you need to do hun. Keeping your distance was the very right thing to do, why get sucked into this drama again? What does he want from you if he has a GF?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): you obviously want to be with the guy but it sounds like he's given you major insecurity with if he's serious or joking as far as this. Is this why you're doubtful? What has the guy done?
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