A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've gotten myself into a horrible bind. The love of my life and I split up in November. While on the rebound, I made a poor, quick decision to jump into another relationship while I was still hurting over my ex. I wound up really enjoying this new woman and we had a lot in common, so I agreed to making it official. In hindsight, I know it wasn't for the best. I was just hurt and didn't know what else to do. Fast forward five months, and my ex has re-emerged. She's talked of reconcile and regret that we allowed ourselves to part ways. We were engaged and working on setting a date when we split. She wants to work things out. Now I'm so confused. I have this girl who has been an incredibly good gf to me and so supportive but whom I don't love like my ex; versus my ex whom I love incredibly deeply and share so much history with. To make matters even more complicated, my current gf is moving from an hour away to practically next door. She's signing a year long lease as we speak and moving in. I'm overwhelmed. I don't know what to do and certainly don't want to lie or hurt anyone. This is so confusing for me. Help!!!!
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female
reader, Keeley345  +, writes (27 March 2015):
Either way someone is going to get hurt. There is no easy way to deal with this. If your ex is back on the scene and you want to make a go of things with her, then good luck. I hope it works out for you both.
Your current g/friend is a rebound as you admit. No matter how nice she is etc she is not the one you want to be with and you don't love her like your ex. The best and kindest thing to do would be to leave her. Let her go to allow her to meet someone who does love her the way she deserves to be. Sadly she's wasting time with you and you're wasting time with someone you don't love. End it as soon as you can.
Like I say, this won't be easy or painless. She will probably be hurt and who can blame her. You'll have to take responsibility for dating her on the rebound. This was not a good idea on your part. Did she know how you were feeling at the time? If so then she went into a r/ship with you knowing you could'nt love her 100%.
Don't prolong the agony buddy. End things with her and try and make things work with your ex. I hope they do and in time your current g/friend will find happiness too.
A
female
reader, Dapril09 +, writes (27 March 2015):
 My relationship with my fiance started out with me as a rebound and we had to go through ALOT because he was so hung up over his ex and I didnt find out till we were living together. I suffered alot and our relationship is still suffering from that start even though he says im the love of his life now. I honestly believe the best thing for you to do is break up with your current girlfriend regardless of what happens with your ex. It is REALLY unfair for you to be with this girl while you still have feelings for someone else. When you decide to begin a relationship you should have a mindset that this woman will be your queen. If she isnt your queen set her free and let her find someone who will give her the love that you obviously cant give her.
What you decide to do with your ex is a whole other issue but if the reason for breaking up isnt so bad as to make you never want to deal with her again then go for it and see how it goes the second time around. If it works great, if not- stay away from her and move on with your life without the help of a rebound.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (27 March 2015):
Dear OP,
This sounds very difficult and I can totally understand how this would happen.
But to be painfully honest, I think you should be with neither of them.
If the first one was really the love of your life and meant to be your wife, why did you split up in the first place? And end up enjoying another womans' company? And why did she only come back to you after 5 months? If she regretted it, why not sooner? It sounds as if the relationship was more troublesome than you'd like to admit now.
BUT to be honest, I know a couple with a similar story and today they are married for 2 years. Still, I don't know if the husband is happy, or if he just gave in, after a long on-and-off process.
If the second one was meant to be your gf, you wouldn't say that in hindsight it was a mistake to make it official. It sounds like you'll never really love her, even though she's ready to commit to you.
My advice would be to be honest to those women, have a break from everything and take the time to figure things out. Consider being with neither of them as an option you can take.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2015): Just tell the truth. To your current gf. She does deserve better.
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