A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm 22- years old, and I have been dating this guy for about a year and a few months now. It hasn't really been anything serious because we both came out of bad relationships. We really like each other and have a lot of fun, since we've met it's like were a mirror-image of each other and its weird. But anyhow lately, for the past month he told me that he is not in a good state right now and he needs space, he says i didn't do anything, and that he is incapable of furthering his feelings for me and that my expectations were starting to grow. Even thought i didn't have any expectations that i wanted him to further, but the only thing was that lately i have been complaining and getting upset about minor things and i have said some hurtful things as calling him selfish, and that he is only about himself. I think my frustration comes from not getting my own way and the fact that we act like were in a relationship even though were not and i forget it. After this conversation we had about him wanting space, i didn't agree to it at first but eventually did because its what he wanted. Then three days later he contacts me because he wants to see me, and that he still wanted me in his life, but he still needs space (his main issue is that he cant forgive what has happened to him in the past and he keeps himself guarded and he's scared to further things as if it would happen again). We hooked up a few times afterwards, and now Ive been contacting him and he hasn't been responding, and I'm very upset about it because I'm confused and it hurts me a lot because i don't know how to feel about the situation, as much as i want him there and things to be good. At this moment i just want to finish it, but he has a few things of mines and if he is not responding to my calls/text, i haven't and im the one always to initiate the convo heard from him in a week i have no way of getting them. I was thinking about sending him an email to just send my stuff and put everything out in the open on how i feel and that I'm going to let him go because he's not good for me, even though deep down inside i really want everything to be good and back to the way they were, but it can't. What should i do because im confused...
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice, I highly appreciate it.I have to learn to stop being so naive.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2012): First of all do u need that stuff back? Is it like a sweatshirt and underpants u never wear or is it really important. If not let it go. Maybe it will be a reminder to him of what he did to u. It sounds like you're hoping for the encounter that will occur with the item swap. I promise u from experince it's not rewarding. If u guys never dated in the first place u shouldn't be shocked he's looking in other directions now and u should be too. U don't make to make him come back. U want him to do it on his own. As hard as it is u gotta walk away from this because even if he came back from your texts emails etc to try things he still may feel trapped. Give him the space he wants and see what he does. But be prepared there may be a third party involved and if so u need to tell yourself now what u would do before your emotions become involved and stick with that. I would say if there is a third party def move on again it's your own discretion. Just remember fear should never dictate a relationship., fear of losing him to someone else, fear u won't find anyone else, it's all so bad for a relationship. U should be someone who makes u happy and confident. I hope this helps if not I'm single ;) jk. But seriously hope effecting works out for ya!
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (23 November 2012):
I think you should indeed end it because this will not go anywhere. It is a weird thing to say but things must end in one phase before it can begin a new. I wouldn't see the point to put your feelings open or out there because he knows them already. But if you think it will help you then by all means. I think send him that email or text saying you want your stuff and close off this situation.
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