How can I get past what happened before? Can this work?

A male age 30-35, anonymous writes:

You need to know my back history to understand this. High school i dated a girl three years, senior year she left me for someone else and was with him the night we broke up. She left because for two years we were plagued with bad sex mostly because we were inexperienced. So I met this girl freshmen year of college and she's perfect made me forget about my ex completely. She was Everything I want, beautiful smart, and kinda goofy like myself. I spoiled this girl, not like buying her things, but I rubbed her back, told her she was pretty everyday, basically was prince charming. As a result we had a great relationship and the sex for both of us was the best it had ever been. Then about 6 months in sex started to hurt her. To a point where it didn't exist anymore and thus our sex life dropped off the map as well. Why the pain? Being completely honest we had sex a lot like 4 times a day for 5 days sometimes and out of this she slowly developed a condition called vaginismus, a sub conscious muscle in the vagina that tightens when anything even a pinky finger tries to go in. So we had sex occasionally but only when I did like some kinda crazy set up that just for her so into it she forgot to worry about the pain. Anyways 4 months down the road no sex really maybe 3 timed, seeing each other all the time, just... Hanging, our relationship hit it's breaking point. Since this was how my last relationship began to end I got paranoid I kept thinking what happened then would repeat itself. Thus trust was up and down and many fight occurred. Finally She broke up with me. Turns out she had been texting a guy for two weeks and had developed a crush on him. She was trying out for the varsity cheer team and this guy had been helping her at the gym. Later she would tell me once she got feelings for him she knew she needed to break up with me. ( she always said it didn't matter who it was it was hat it was someone) Worse yet she breaks up with me and the next night brings this guy back from the bars, which they only met up this one time and it wasn't long before they went back. And of course I was texting her still so upset while she's rolling around with this guy. Whats even worse we met up that morning to talk and she was kissing me and saying she loved me and that she felt she needed space, but that she felt better after our talk. Anyways she brings the guy back that night and they hook up.(not sex but everything else) So then the next day she's texting  me, cause we missed each other, and I suggested we get dinner to talk. This ends up with her coming over for a bit and falling asleep on my bed. I did something bad and checked her phone I ended up finding out that she had a crush on this guy but nothing about the hook up. I was outraged, but still kind, i convinced her to sit and think for awhile and not talk to either of us, til she knows what she's doing. So three days later she's at the bar with a friend and this dude rolls in holding a girls hand. My ex brushes it off as a typical guy, and moves on. However she feels strange talking to me. We take a week off I get back and we decide to grab dinner, didn't even make it out of her house. I had sex with her ( unknowingly in the same bed the dude and her hooked up in) and it worked fine no pain ( this happened once in a blue moon) anyways three weeks later were trying things again and I'm totally unaware of what happened and life is great, were doing really good and were happy and somehow sex picked back up. Not as much as we wanted but better than none. I would even argue our relationship was the best it had been in a long time. Then through her phone again I  hear about the hook up and I go nuts. I had been with my ex for three weeks under a lie. But we had been at that amazing level I always loved so I didn't know what to do. How do you walk away from the girl u think is the one? so I didn't I've stayed with her still and we have great days but they don't last. Cause I can't help and think what she did. While I did nothing. The images just keep playing in my mind. It's awful and it's breaking us both down cause it's two months later and I can't get over it. She even told me she wishes I would have done the same so she wouldn't feel so guilty. I just can't believe she could do that to me. And when the break up and no sex wasn't even my fault. For the record their hook up was unenjoyablw for her because of the same common pain. So really their was no motive she was just drunk and did something stupid. I asked if it was kind of an experiment out curiosity to see if it was just me that sex was unenjoyable with. But she said that wasnt so. But I can't help but think what if she hadn't seen him in the bar with another girl they could even be f buddies right now. And I just get sick thinking of her with him. On top of this she still tried out for the cheer team knowing he'd be at her practices everyday 20 hours a week. I couldn't tell her not to, it was her dream she had been working so hard at. And although she was done with him she still woulda been seeing him all the time. Turns out she didn't mAke the team because the dude she hooked up with told the coach they didn't get along... Karma sucks. So now that we've been together she's been loyal but I know she looked at his Facebook pictures like twice about a month later but nothing else has happened in over a month. Ya i check her stuff sometimes I dont find anything i guess it just makes me feel more secure. She still makes me happy and is very loyal but i just cant get over what happened or get the images out of my head. Can this still work? I cant picture losing her again but at the same time i feel i already lost her in a way, shell never be the same girl. Can anyone help me out with this? Is it a bad sign that I'm even writing this on here for advice?

View related questions: broke up, crush, drunk, facebook, kissing, muscle, my ex, sex life, text, vagina

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A male reader, Welsh Uncle Dave  +, writes (23 November 2012):

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