A
female
age
36-40,
*arinana
writes:Several months ago I snooped in my boyfriend's cellphone and found text messages to some girl about wanting to kiss her as well as flirty responses from her. I confronted him and he said it was a joke and got mad at me for snooping. Just recently I snooped again and checked his email and found recent messages from her about wanting to see him and hug him. They were very, very flirtatious. I feel like I can't confront him because I should not have snooped. But if he were to check my phone or email, he would never find such messages! I would never flirt like that with anyone else. How do I confront him? And is he cheating on me?
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female
reader, karinana +, writes (2 June 2008):
karinana is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for all your responses so far. Your telling me what I didn't want to hear, but needed too. Twist of Fate- things are a little more complex than him just being cute. We've been together for a year and a half. We live together. Our relationship is great, other than this. I love so many things about him and I know he loves me. I just don't understand this flirting with this other woman. It hurts. I see that I need to confront him, but I feel terrible for snooping.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): Twist of Fate... Seriously, your sexist comments are most unwelcome.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): This is my books is cheating, sorry, but personally i wouldnt still be there. I can look on my blokes phone and computer at any time night and day and know i will never find anything like that, but if i did he would be in for a bloody good talking to and i would be off, sorry, but this kind of bloke reminds me so much of my ex. Waste of space.
take care
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): If my boyfriend did that to be I'd be incredibly mad.
He is emotionally cheating on you.
It is hard to say whether he is or is not cheating physically... But I honestly doubt that these messages, to the same girl would still be going on like that after all this time if nothing physical had taken place. I think that the girl would have given up long by now and classed him as a tease or just not worth the wait.
He said it was a joke... Well it's not in the slightest bit funny. Why would a joke have gone on this long and even after you had found out? Surely he'd know that such a "joke" would hurt you and that he'd stop when you expressed your disliking to it.
He's being completely unacceptable.
I think that you should confront him. If he asks why you snooped again, tell him the truth and tell him that you had good reason to, you were not wrong about these messages continuing.
Good Luck. X
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): i have been in the same situation. my bf has had a lot of gf in past and when we first moved in i was using his phone and a message come through from a girl.at first it wasnt anything serious then since i cant help but snoop. theres been loads of messages from different girls and when i confront him he says the same. but just after i had my son i told him i didnt want sex for a while(understanable) and he was really good considering he sex mad!then one day he was going to be on a night shift and when he was in bed i went through he work phone and i found very rude sexual messages saying he loved the sex.of corse he said it was a joke and i felt so worthless and now i no why he was being good about not wanting sex.anyway point is i tried to carry on but i could never trust him so in the end i split from him and now im really happy
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A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (2 June 2008):
 Whether he is cheating physically or just emotionally he should not be talking to any other female in this way, it is totally unacceptable if you are in a relationship together.
I say confront him and maybe its time you considered if this guy is really worth it. You probably only snooped because you had suspicions and yes he is right it is not nice to snoop but it sounds to me like his guilty conscience was the reason for his anger not the fact you snooped in the first place.
You just have to tell him you snooped again as you were not happy about the original texts and wanted to see if it was still going on. Be prepared for him to get angry but I feel you have more right here then him to get angry x
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