A
female
age
51-59,
*ver40
writes:I have met a guy I'm totally smitten with after only being together for two weeks. I think he's about to dump me due to my own stupid insecurities and related behavior (constantly seeking reassurance and doubting his motives for being with me). I feel horribly tortured when I'm not around him and feel sick in the stomach with nerves. I am convinced that he is just using me for sex and find myself constantly analysing everything he says or does. I want to know what I can do to save this relationship. Can anyone help? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Foxy_Mama  +, writes (10 November 2009):
When you first fall in love with someone it's absulotely normal to feel some insecurity and miss the object of your affection. Nothing wrong with that.
However if these negative feelings take over and all you have is pain and fear something's wrong.
You say you've only known this man for 2 weeks... my guess is that these feelings of insecurity have very little to do with the guy, but more with some unresolved issues from your past.
Your first question should probably not be what you can do to keep this relationship... but what you can do to be more at peace with yourself.
Whatever happens you should work out why you feel this way, what in your past has traumatized you to the extent that you think it is impossible for anybody to really love you.
As you do that you can talk to him and explain that you realize this is not his fault, that you have some things you have to deal with and that you are committed to doing just that. Ask him for his help where he can. Involve him. Ask him to be patient. And try to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Once you shed light on all of that you'll be able to see him as he is and find out whether he is good for you or not.
Trust yourself!
Foxy Mama
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