A
female
age
30-35,
*airhalflin
writes:I feel so stupid and I'm hating myself for it...I did something completely out of my standard of thinking. You see, a while back my guy friend and I had sex. What had tùrned into a simple and harmless night of video games...it tùrned into sex. Afterwards him and I said that nothing would get weird between us and we would take it slow. and if for some reason we started to have feelings for eachother...everything would be okay..."I promise nothing would get weird." Lo and behold...it did! Soon after the whole thing passed...I started to have feelings for him as days passed with us together. I feel stupid because he doesn't exactly fall into my range of....fancy. He's skinny...lame...corny...ùgly...he's a gamer..he's a pothead...he has self-esteem issùes. Well you get what I mean...I don't want to fall for him and yet I've dùg the same hole I'm falling into. I laùgh at his lame jokes...I smile when he gets nervous around me... and I love to feel him hold me and see him worrying if he's doing the right thing. Agh, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't want to be stupid...I don't fall for things like that but...I don't want to be weak for a guy because I know where its gonna end up. Is it okay for me to like him? Some say its cùte.. I can't believe that I would say that its true...everything I get annoyed by...he has. Ha...I dunno. I think of him and I can't wipe the smile off my face. I don't want to be attached to him but I can't help it. I'm ùpfront about everything and now I find myself speechless. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007): I agree with Birdy..the pothead thing is something you should be wary of. Ask him to nix that habit. But overall, if this guy friend is someone you think has good character-treats you with respect and you both want a have dating relationship, I cannot think of a reason for you to walk away. I have always said, the best relationships in life, do begin between two very good friends. Good friends have an 'upfront', real' perspective of each other's personalities (no insincere masks or phoniness) and a good knowledge of each other, that is never achieved as well, in the traditional 'getting-to-know-you" dating relationship. Good luck and have fun!
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (4 August 2007):
 As far as I know, most guys are gamers! The pothead thing is disturbing, I have known many throughout my life; and it saps your life and ambition unless you can convince him it's a losing situation. Most people give it up at the end of uni or when they are in their mid-twenties. Smoking everyday ruins your life. All the other discriptions that you gave make him seem really kind of sweet (and don't worry about skinny, life has a way of dealing with skinny...). It sounds like you have fallen for him. I remember a point in my life where I let other people's (usually other girls, mean ones) perceptions of my choice of boyfriend influence how I felt about the guy I was seeing. Eventually, you meet someone who you care for that breaks the rules we thought we had for our "ideal" man. Perhaps you have finally met that guy? I think if you are smiling all the time and laughing at his jokes - you have definately fallen...
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