A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:please dont judge we all have slip ups when we feel down. i split from my boyfriend 6 week ago then last week i got some attention from a distant friend we were drinking and 1 thing led to another. we dont think he 'fired ' his goods i have a child already so know how it feels. its been 2 week since i saw him and we both agreed nothing will happen again we just wanted company from being lonely but now im worried i could be pregnant. im getting odd things happening very very early symptoms of pregnancy , to complicate things more me and my ex have got back together , i have to wait another 2 week until i can take a test. i wouldnt lie and tell my boyfriend hes the dad as that is bang out of order ,im just worrying so much so messaged here if anyone has wise words
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2020): There is less chance of a pregnancy at your age and the mind and body can play tricks on you.Also anxiety can cause a woman's period to not arrive on time.Couple that with an early menopause when bleeding becomes patchy, infrequent and to no timetable.It's possible to get very early pregnancy tests where you can get an answer before 30 days is done.Realistically you have jumped from unplanned and unprotected sex to the thought that you could potentially be pregnant and create a baby by someone who isn't likely to want to be in your life.Plus you are probably scared that your long-term partner will take a hike when he discovers you are pregnant for another guy.If that's the case, and you have already made up your mind that you would keep the child, then it would be of little consequence to you if your current partner left you permanently.The relationship would have changed course and it's quite possible that your other man would want further interaction.If you're prepared to go it alone you already know what you're in for as you already have a child.Perhaps you're feeling broody, as you near the end of your fertility and you wouldn't mind a miraculous child.Maybe it's all wishful thinking on your part as many 40 somethings would like another child but feel that they have left it too late.It is possible however.I doubt you're throwing up with morning sickness as it's really early days for that.But maybe you feel changes in your breasts for example.However the body plays tricks on the minds of women who secretly long for one last baby, so probably the best thing to do would be to see your doctor or to find an early pregnancy testing kit.I totally understand that a new life within you would take you mentally far away from the stresses of covid.In some countries such as Singapore they are trying to encourage woman to get pregnant and make a baby so you needn't swaddled yourself in community disapproval.Having a baby is a big deal and goes above and beyond the range of what other people think.It's the uncertainty that's killing you.So either chill out and wait, or shag away your worries, or see your doctor (who is trained to accept that women get pregnant and not to make any assumptions not based on science.)If all else fails remind yourself that Jesus was given to Mary when she was alone and unspoken for and her future partner Joseph was ok to take on the responsibility of bringing up the child as his own. So, less of the guilt and more of practicality.If it does turn out to be a false alarm, then you will be both disappointed and relieved because it would indicate menopause and acceptance that you are unlikely to concieve maybe for ever after.But you will find time to do things other than bringing up a child that was dropped on you as a sudden surprise.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2020): We just broke-up, I'm feeling a bit down; guess I'll go boink somebody!
I don't think its a first-choice to cure the doldrums for most people. Sex was your choice, don't tag that on everybody else to ease your guilty-conscience. You must figure if your boyfriend knew what you did so soon; he'd probably leave you again.
You were drunk, you and a friend got horny, you boinked, and now you're feeling guilty; because you're back with your boyfriend. If what you did is what everybody does, shouldn't he understand?
If the pregnancy test is negative, no big deal there. If the pregnancy test is positive, tell your boyfriend what happened. He'll suspect anyway, if the kid looks nothing like him!
If you've had drunken unprotected-sex with another partner; he should know for his own protection. When 30 days have past, you both should get a full battery of tests for sexually-transmitted diseases. Maybe he also used sex as a remedy for his sadness.
If everybody goes-out and has sex, because they're sad; using that kind of logic, you should be certain that you and your former-ex/now recycled-boyfriend get tested for STD's. If either comes-up positive; you'll know who got exposed to infection. People don't always tell you if they're HIV-positive, or if they have herpes. These kind of secrets are how unsuspecting-partners get infected.
Protect yourself and your partner, pregnancy is the least of your worries.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2020): Don't panic. Unprotected sex not a good move but we're all human. Wait the two weeks, take a test and then another. If it's positive get in to see your gynecologist asap. I don't mean to be rude but pregnancy at your age can be complicated.
After that is sorted and you have decided what you plan to do sit down with your guy explain what's going on and then he can decide what he wants to do.
Good luck either way
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2020): I am sorry but when people ask for my advice I am honest and I am entitled to be, that might include being what you call judgmental and saying things you do not want to hear. That is the risk you take when you post here.
You were very silly, you behaved like a teenager. Act now think later is what teenagers do. Now you pay the price with all of this worry and uncertainty.
I had more sense when I was just fifteen, I made sure I was on the pill and was more picky about why, what, when and why.
I hope for your child's sake that you start to think more before you do things in the future.
Everything that is happening is of your own doing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2020): You made a mistake and now you are dealing with the repercussions. Take it as a lesson learnt not to have unprotective sex. There’s nothing you can do in this situation other than wait the two weeks to get a test. If it comes back positive then unfortunately you have to tell your partner. He can’t be mad at you having sex with someone else when you weren’t together. But he can make a decision as to whether you being pregnant ‘maybe’ is a deal breaker for him. That’s his decision and nothing you can do about it. If it comes back negative then move on with your life and forget it. I would question the reasons why you thought it was a good idea to have unprotective sex with someone? Being sad is not a good enough excuse to be that silly. You can be sad and say he has to wear a condom. I’m not saying you were trying to get pregnant but there are underlying issues as to why you let that happen. I’m not judging as I have had unprotective sex once In my life when I was much younger. My reason was that I was so lonely that I didn’t want to tell him to wear a condom because I was desperate for attention and worried he wouldn’t want to have sex with me otherwise and I wouldn’t get the attention I needed. I wanted to feel wanted. I didn’t get pregnant but I definitely learnt my lesson after a scare and worked on my issues. When people risk their health there is always a reason. But you can’t learn a lesson until you find out why. Your human and you made a mistake. It happens. It’s just unfortunately you have to deal with it now. That’s life! People need to realise that after a breakup people need to be on their own for a while, be single and work on themselves. Jumping straight into bed with someone else or into another relationship rarely works out. Let the heart ache subside and then you won’t make silly mistakes. Good luck and I do hope it allWorks out for you
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 October 2020):
 Amen to Code Warrior.
Don't make excuses, OWN your actions.
You WERE single when you had sex with this person. So you didn't cheat. You made a bad CHOICE, having unprotected sex with someone.
Take the pregnancy test as soon as you can. And then go from there.
What you did while on "break" or were broken up is not really something you HAVE to share with your BF, UNLESS you do find yourself pregnant. If that is the case you NEED to be honest and up front so HE can decide if he still wants to be with you or if this is too much.
And IF you are pregnant and keeping the baby, you need to let that "friend" know he is going to be a dad, and go from there. Definitely let him know that you will be asking for child support.
You are in your 40's and didn't STOP to consider that unprotected sex CAN lead to a pregnancy?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2020): It could very well be a false alarm caused by worry.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (4 October 2020):
 Hopefully it is just your (for me at least - misplaced) feelings of guilt which are making you imagine the worst. Women's fertility in their 40s is usually quite low, so you would be very unusual to have become pregnant after one encounter. (For the record, a man does not need to "fire his goods" for a woman to get pregnant as sperm can leak out before actual ejaculation, but that's just for future reference, in case you think this is a safe method of contraception.)
If you had gone to see your doctor soon afterwards, you could have taken the "morning after" pill. Not sure what the time limit is on this but you might want to check in case you are not too late. That is assuming, of course, that you would rather not keep the baby - I am making a big assumption there and, if this is not the case, then apologies.
Hopefully the test will be negative and the panic will be over. However, if it is not, then you have some difficult decisions to make and need to assume you could be bringing up this baby alone. Not only may your boyfriend be unhappy about you being pregnant with someone else's child and not want to bring up another man's baby, but also, if you two split up and then got back together, the stability your relationship already has to be questioned. Unless the reason you original split up has now been resolved, it is likely to push you to split up again. As for the biological father of the child, it doesn't sound like he had any plans to be a father when he "wanted company" so, short of demanding child support money from him, there is no saying he would want to be involved in the child's upbringing.
Fingers crossed the test is negative. If not, then you need so do some thinking and some talking.
Sending hugs and hoping for the best.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (4 October 2020):
 Just wait for the two weeks, take the test and see what transpires after that. Alternatively book an appointment with your GP as soon as possible and see what they recommend.
This all happened while you were split from your boyfriend, so its not like you went behind his back or anything. But i would refrain from saying anything until you know for certain if you pregnant or not.
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