A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I've been writting about this awhile now. My marriage is in trouble and everytime I try to talk about it with her I don't get answers. This always happens when we get anyone at fighting about what it is. It always gets thrown in my face that I treat her like crap. She says things like I'm always in a mood were she does not expect who she will get me or the monster. I don't get that. I said she's the one that never smiles or shows me love period. Well after I get to a point were I say screw you it's over and tell her to get out of my face. She stomps off and in 20 mins comes back and kisses me passionatly and it's only when she thinks I'm at my breaking point. I said to her last night that why is it you only kiss me like that when you think I had enough. Then like clock work I came to the room and kissed her back and said all is well. I had a shower just before bed and I still got nothing back. This is after we kissed after a big fight and I thought we were going to have make up sex but it just got back to we're it was at again. I love her and she says why don't I put some effort in the romance department. Well I thought after my shower we were going to get romantic and start changing. Right back in that mood were we just don't like it and I can't read her. Me naked and in bed right beside her and nothing. Is she trying to make me angry? I don't want to loose it but what's the point of not going forward instead of going right back to we're we weeek at? I love my wife but I can't read her and make my advances when I feel like I'm just bothering her. Grrrrrrrrr. Is it head games or is it no love or is it she's just angry at life and I'm getting the worst of it. Why come and kiss me passionatly and make me feel better then right back to playing games. Maybe I need to get mad all the time. I even told her that she never smiles nore laughs with me and talk about things. In getting angry because I don't get it. If you love someone making love should be the best thing ever and laugh and make your partner very happier about it. I don't get this at all. Women say us men are cunfussing but in my case it's the other way around. Thanks for any imput. Peace from Canada.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (16 September 2012):
 I agree 100% with A female reader, anonymous.
I would suggest you two get some marriage/couples counseling, because it seems like you two are NOT resolving the problems and that is why they resurface over and over.
She kisses you after she thinks you have cooled off to "soothe the beast" - it's a let's try not to fight. However, it not a solution. You think the kiss means all is forgiven and forgotten but it isn't.
A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (16 September 2012):
You need to be affectionate towards her and NOT expect sex in return.
She is telling you that she wants you to prove that you live her...not just have sex with her. Whatever you have been arguing about has upset and angered her because nothing has changed. She feels like you aren't listening to her, which makes her feel like you don't care about her. Your trying to get her to have sex without resolving the issue is making her feel like you are using her only for sex.
If you care about one another, you may want to consider attending counseling sessions together so you have an unbiased mediator present who can help you avoid arguing while you both work your relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2012): Please let me try to shed some light on this from a woman's perspective...
The reason she is not having sex with you after your fights is that nothing has been resolved. She does love you, but she is telling you she is not happy in this marriage and when she tries to tell you her issues you both end up fighting. Afterwards you kiss and everything goes back to 'normal', but nothing has really changed.
Women are very different to men and cannot get in the mood unless their head is in the right place, as well as their body, and at the moment your wife is not there. The pair of you need to start talking and sort out some of these issues before the sex side of things will get back on track.
From your post, sex seems to be extremely important to you and you are annoyed that your needs are not being met - well I can guarantee that your wife feels the same, except the needs she is missing are not sex, they are intimacy and affection. You are both feeling you are being neglected by the other here, so talking about it and trying to understand the others needs should start you back on the right track.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (16 September 2012):
 Romance and sex are two different things. It sounds to me she wants romancing, not sexing.
If you are under the impression any demonstrations of love on her part will automatically lead to sex you are sadly mistaken. My suggestion is that you forget about expecting sex for a month or two and see if you can produce the goods on being romantic. Once the expectation of sex always being the end result of demonstrations of romance and love is removed, you will, hopefully, start to read the difference between her wanting to show you she loves you, and he wanting sex. I know there are numerous books on the subject so there is probably heaps of material available online as well.
Go googling to help take your mind off tonight's disappointment!
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