A
male
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,
anonymous
writes:A few years ago I had a brief affair with the ex-wife of a very good friend of mine. I had known him for about 10 years and they had been divorced around 6. I had never even met her until about 6 months before we started seeing each other.When I first met her she was at his house with their kids. They were on friendly terms and shared custody of the kids. He had a pool and she was there with the kids to swim. I actually thought she didn't care for me being there but as the day wore on we had a cook out and some drinks and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves (There were other people there also). Later in the evening as I'm sitting there she comes up behind me and says some suggestive comments. I noticed she had been drinking and brushed them off as the "wine talking."I did notice she was very attractive and built as she was wearing a bathing suit. For the next few months I noticed whenever I came to visit, she would show up with the kids. Eventually we all became good friends and enjoyed hanging out. I liked her but there was nothing going on between us. She did seem to come on to me but she did have a flirty nature to her which I thought was harmless.Around the holidays he admitted to me that he had been inviting she and I over simultaneously because he knew she liked me and when she came over it would give him a chance to see his kids. I thought it was odd but she was fun to be around so everything continued as usual.I did find it odd when he would make comments that I should date her, or I should take her with me when I told him I was going to visit a friend one weekend.It finally happened when one day he and I met her and her Mother and the kids at a restaurant. After we ate he and I decided we were going out to a bar to have a few. He asked her to come along and after she went home with her Mom and kids we picked her up and the three of us went out for the evening.We all drank, played pool and I found myself dancing with her. She looked so good and I realized I was starting to flirt with her. When we left the bar, he was drunk, she was really frisky and I was feeling a slight buzz. I hadn't drank that much since I was driving. I dropped him off first and as I'm driving her home she says that she's horny and I should pull over.We ended up having sex that night and for the next 2 months had the most incredible sex two people could have. It seemed like we were made for each other as we liked all of the same things sexually. I couldn't believe what I was doing but we were so into each other I didn't want it to end.He finally found out after another friend told him I had been at a bar with her. He called me very upset and basically ended our friendship. I don't think he knows I ever slept with her, he's was just mad I went out with her without inviting him.She and I eventually stopped seeing each other. She felt bad that our friendship had suffered and we were both realistic in realizing a relationship could not happen. He and I eventually reconnected a year later. He admitted he had used us both as a way of seeing his kids more but grew worried when he saw how she was falling for me. He even apoligized for the way he had talked to me and said he had been going through a bout with bi-polar. I didn't even know he had it as I had never seen any real episodes of anger.I realize that he was trying to push us together but I also realize I could have resisted. It's true when they say that a hard dick has no conscience. I feel guilty over what happend but I also had some very strong feelings for her. We really had a connection and always enjoyed each others company.I honestly feel that had I met her years ago we would have been married. I feel I will always live with this guilt because even though he and I are friends again I know he's completely unaware of the fact she and I slept together.I feel that this makes me a bad person and a friend who can't be trusted. By the way, I know she still thinks of me and I still miss her very much.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010): I think your friend has issues that go a lot deeper than you realize.
He put you together, she wanted it, you wanted it, and it happened. Nothing wrong about it but it does cause strong emotions in all three people, which is hard. Triangles are rigid, and three person arrangements usually fail because 1 person is always "out" if there isn't mutual agreement among all members or mutual disagreement between all members of the triangle.
You might want to think about the alcohol use, not just from your end but theirs as well, particularly as he says he has "bipolar".
http://www.lanarkleedsaa.org/pages/aboutaa/are_you_an_alcoholic.htm
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (21 October 2010):
 You know that's very surprising that he suggested you guys date, even though it's his ex wife and you guys were friends..a very weird love triangle. I somehow knew he would get upset over you two secretly hanging out, the sex he would have probably blown up. I would keep that one to yourself.
You're not a bad person, he even gave you the green light to date her, and you weren't aware of his bipolar nature. I will say 10 years of marriage, kids, and a divorce later he still loves her..a little part of him does. I could even tell from your story. So if I were you I would have avoided this awkward situation, it's evident she's a flirty, horny one (maybe why their marriage failed) and the fact that it's your friend's ex wife. That's just asking for it. Plus, it seems like any old affair purely sexual, and you can't start a relationship off with already being naked in the bed...You're not a bad guy, you made a mistake. But now you are thinking clearly and know better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010): Bottom line: you don't mess about with a family members ex/ friends ex.
You are still deceitful in hiding with sexual affair with his wife. I can understand why he wanted u friends with her. She sounds like a *itch, and he is a good man in trying to see his kids more often.
Becareful you don't become his enemy- you crossed the ultimate boundary and it is like stabbing someone in the back. From what you wrote this woman is just a good time woman and you need to understand your role in her life. Meaning as nothing.
LoveGirl
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