A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend of six years can’t commit. She doesn’t want to be tied down. She lives in my house but only pays towards the services – gas, electricity etc. She pays nothing towards household items but does buy some of the food. I can’t get her to plan anything for the future, not even a holiday with me. She says she sometimes feels crushed by the domesticity and wants to spend more time with her friends. Sometimes she says she would like to go and live abroad.I have never tried to stop her seeing friends. I have even suggested that she might like to go back and live in her own house. At this point she cries and says how much she loves me; how she would be a fool to give up a relationship in which someone cares for her as I have. In short, I can’t get her to go. She isn’t fully into the relationship when she is here, but won’t give me back my life. We don’t have proper sex any more to make things worse. I have suggested she leave for a week and see how she gets on, or come and visits on a weekend, but we keep falling back into this half life. I truly believe she loves me and feels love in return. I am running out of ideas.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 June 2017):
 She doesn't love you, she is using you. Honestly you deserve better than this, don't take no for an answer this time and ask her to pack her things and leave. If she was serious about you she would be paying half off everything and you would both be making plans for the future and being intimate.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2017): You need to make the break. She needs to move out and pretty soon after you'll see the relationship for what it really is, and so might she. It could go either way- but what's better: staying in the relationship limbo you're in now, or risking it all and either making things better or ending it and moving on?
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A
female
reader, luvlikewater  +, writes (15 June 2017):
Bottom line sweetie she's gotten complacent with your living situation. Granite the love is there, the will to commit left the moment she saw how much she could get away with. And you said 6 years? You've got a kind and beautiful heart. I would've been cut the friendship off. Saying " I love you" and actually showing it means a great deal. You gotta search your inner self and decide on whether or not you want to be completely happy and if you wanna go through 6 more years of this. ???? Hope it gets better for you??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2017): She is just not that into you.
And you sound like such a sweetheart.
I am very sorry you are going through this.
Sometimes a good and loving heart does not see the truth. Or maybe it does and pretends the truth is not staring them in the face. And was all along. You can only push it away for so long until it becomes too tough to bear.
I suspect deep down you knew the truth. You just did not want it to be true.
Maybe a part of you liked living in this dreamland, hoping that someday this girl would come to her senses and love you the way you love her. But that fantasy, as you know, has come crashing down. It was never real. Perhaps you came here asking this question because you have finally come to the breaking point. Where you need closure because it is much too painful for you to continue living this way. You know that she is in this not because she loves you but because you are nice little safety net. You have been enabling her.
You do need to ask her to leave. And mean it. She is going to lay it on thick and cry and say she loves you. She will pull out all the stops. You have seen it and heard it all before. So, now it is time to be strong and steadfast and stick to your guns. It is in your own best interests; because you love yourself. Anything she pulls on you at this point is just an act to keep her comfortable existence intact. She is a user, a manipulator and a free loader. None of these qualities is something to be proud of. I can see you are a nice, kind and decent guy who wants to think the best of people, including her. But not all people are kind and decent like you are. The users sniff out people like you because their kind hearts make them easier to manipulate and sponge off of. Please see that you are too good to be her doormat. You will find another girl who will respect you and contribute equally and share your life with you willingly, and that would include having sex with you. You should never stay with a woman who doesn't want to have sex with you. For all you know, she is out there screwing other guys while you, old faithful, are being taken for a ride. She has snowed you. She must be very good at it.
So, do what you have to do to get her out of your house. And then cut her out of your life. For good. I know it sounds cruel. But she has been very cruel to you all these years. Cruel with your heart. And your kindness and your caring nature. She was made of pure selfishness. Now, it is time for you to be selfish and take your life back. Tomorrow is a new day. Leave her behind. Start over. I promise you will start to feel better in no time. And someday when the right girl enters your life, you will see how wrong this one was.
Chin up. You will get through it. You will be happier without her. :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2017): I am the person who posted the question. Thank you for your consideration. You seem to have reached consensus. I thought I had found someone who was going to be with me through the remainder of our days. So sad.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 June 2017):
 It sounds like you've gotten yourself a room mate who loves to live for free.
She's clearly not in this relationship. Doesn't want a future with you, doesn't even want to plan a holiday. She doesn't want to move either, of course, because her life is so comfortable right now! She's got everything she needs for free. She doesn't even have to have sex with you on a regular basis, she's just living there until something better comes along.
Really, you can kick her out. Tell her this is what YOU want, because she cant make up her mind or make a proper decision herself. If she feels trapped, she needs to move. If she wants a relationship, she needs to get involved. This half life as you so accurately named it, it's neither here nor there.
It's time to move on!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2017): I think she is possibly using you hun. She can't live how she wants. She pays barely anything. It's time to let her go and move on.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 June 2017):
 She won't give you back your life ? ... Easy : start making her pay rent - and her exact half of all food , bills, and household items . She's gonna be out of there faster than you can say " domesticity " !
This is an extremely convenient situation for her : No committment, no compromises, no limitations, no rent- and she even gets to qvetch about domesticity. This is a super sweet deal, and she'd be a fool to let it go voluntarily, without being obliged .
I guess you think she is staying out of love - but, alas, apparently she does not love you enough to stand the idea of having sex with you. Plus, the way you describe this situation, she loves you sort of like cats love. They get more attached to the house than to the owner; and they love..that you love them so much.
If you are ok with this kind of feline love- ditch the girl and get yourself a nice kitten , instead. It will cost you less .
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (13 June 2017):
 She is using you. She might even be happy in what she has got . You're her sugar daddy and not more than a FWB. If she has no costs what is she doing with her wages? She will soon have the money to buy her own house , then it is goodbye to you , kick out the sponger.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (13 June 2017):
 You've already lost her.
Have some dignity and break up, you're letting her walk all over you. You can get your life back, tell her if she's not ready to commit then you're not going to be taken advantage of.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2017): She's a beggar, a free-loader! She will only get worse. She's one of those humans who are actually parasites. You need to dump her before she takes everything from you! Please move on with someone who is worth your time. Do not fall for the parasite's crocodile tears, do not let her back into your house unescorted by a police officer, you never know what she's capable of. She's a waste of your time, please dump her asap!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2017): She's got a sweet deal. She only has to pay towards utilities and doesn't have to pay rent. You live closer to the club and her friends, and you're a sucker in her eyes. All she needs is a few crocodile tears and some girly sobs; and you're putty in her hands.
You're her home away from home, and you're an okay boyfriend. Why mess it up?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2017): It's your house tell her she must go.... and fill your time with mates and hobbies she is just using you. ...6 yrs and can not book a holiday? ? Your wasting your time ... you will regret spending your best yrs on someone who wasn't 100%
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