A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I started my relationship 6 years ago right away after breaking up with my ex. It was very toxic, he was 6 years older, abusive, controlling, a liar but he also became a replacement for my dad in the sense that he was there for me after every issue at home. He was always cheating. I was with him since I was 15, then I found out he had a girlfriend at the same time. I found out about this when I was in the second trimester pregnant at 16. He gave me a promise ring and we never got married. I didn't picture myself married to him, he treated me awful sometimes but in hard times he took care of me and I was grateful for that. I mentally checked out of the relationship long ago but I was so dependant on him emotionally that we would always go back together. He was my safety blanket. I moved in and he insisted on having a roommate which I didn't approve of but he did it anyways. One day I found sexts of a woman who he was "working with" and we were fighting. He broke up with me. We were still living together because of our daughter. I was so jealous that he cheated that I got feelings for our roommate who was there when he wasn't. I cheated. We started an affair and it was all fun and games for me because it was revenge, but he fell in love. He somehow made things so apparent so that my boyfriend would know, like trying to kiss me when friends were watching and word got out. I still have some resentment for this. He found out. He threw me out of the house acting all heated and I ran for my life. I was internally so happy that I get to break up with him, finally free. I was living with my parents, with lots of men interested in dating me and my now boyfriend would get so competitive. If a guy wanted to gift me a new phone, he did it first. I was just waiting to see if I get the special guy me and my daughter deserve. Then I found out I was pregnant. I didn't want to have the baby but he did and he did all that he could to convince me. Abortion was not an option but I wanted to give it for adoption. He promised me that keeping it would be the best idea, we would get married and be happy. I trusted him. We moved in together. Basically it's been 6 years and he just won't propose or set a date. He tells everyone I'm his wife, he posted my model pictures as a bride and my ex immediately got married and had a kid. I'm still waiting like a joke. He isn't romantic, he cut me off from my friends, made things impossible for me to work, is too jealous to let me leave the house alone, and I could go on and on. He doesn't do the special things he did before, because he doesn't see competition so he even left me with the same phone all these years. He just doesn't care about that but he is the father for both of our kids and he has great things too. My ex completely abandoned my child, he only cares about his new wife and since he got married two years ago, he has skipped child visitation or child support. All the damage is done and I feel like I can't repeat the story, I want stability. I told him what I'm feeling and he says that I'm comparing myself and succumbing to society's norms. It's all excuses, the same that my ex told me and that's what's so ridiculous, because he did get married anyways. Now I don't even want to get married because he doesn't want to, so what's the point on pushing him. He also said he wants the perfect wedding which can't happen right now. I told him we have years to plan but I need to set things straight and I'm scared it will never happen. All I got was silence from him. I asked if we could at least be an unmarried cohabitant couple legally and he said that we have more important things to take care of. He basically expressed like I want to "trap" him so that I don't get screwed over as much as I did last time. So that left me with the idea that it's basically what's going to happen. I wont wait forever, I think it will get harder to be a single mom of two and find happiness again, but it can get worse with time. Can you please give me an opinion on the situation please because I'm hurting very much. I appreciate it so much.
View related questions:
abortion, affair, broke up, fell in love, jealous, liar, moved in, my ex, revenge, roommate, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Kofcalifornia +, writes (22 December 2021):
He should have married you on 6 months. He's wasting your time. Leave now while you still have your looks
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2021): Did you drop out of high school upon getting pregnant the first time? You were dating a 21 year-old man when you were only 15? Consensual age is 16 in some states, 17 in others, and 18 in most. I'm surprised no-one reported it, and he wasn't arrested for statutory rape? I am certain you were sexually-active the entire time you were with him! You had to have sexually active while 15; if the child was born when you were only 16! Six-months pregnant at 16? Depending on what state you live in; you were probably underaged at the time.
You seem more interested in "getting married;" than who you're marrying! You were nothing but a kid, out there running around with men too old for you; and got pregnant yet a second time. With yet another guy who's more than you can handle.
You must have the most liberal parents in the country, if they didn't have your first boyfriend arrested! Oh, there must be one heck of a backstory behind all this!
You don't have a choice but to leave someone who is literally holding you hostage; and doesn't let you out of the house. If you've got two kids to care for, I guess he's just making sure you don't go out and get yourself tangled-up with some other guy. You seem to know how to pick 'em!!!
If he doesn't love you, and treats you badly...what reason is there to marry him?
You need to go to child-support authorities, and submit a complaint to collect back child-support for the first child; while you setup to receive child-support from the second child's father. If you don't have a high school diploma, or you've never been to college. You need to finish high school, and at least go to community college. Your life is centered around having boyfriends and getting married. You need a decent job, and learn some independence and responsibility for yourself; and taking care of your kids. Men have proven you can't depend on them to take care of you. He had no choice, but to stick-around to keep you quiet; when you were underaged! Once you were legal, the first-one bailed on you! You got played, because you were just a kid; out there playing in an adult's world. You had no idea what you were doing.
Get your life in order, sweetheart. I think the only way to do that IS to leave him. He's not really taking care of you, he's owning you like his property. He never had any intention of marrying you; he had to tell you something to keep sex in the picture, or you would have bailed on him long ago.
...............................
|
