A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i know this isnt a relationship question but i'm still grieving over my grandpa's death and dont know who to turn to about it. i havent had a nice year, i lost my horse suddenly, i became ill with anemia and then close to a year ago my grandpa was diagnosed with cancer. after several horrible months in and out of hospital he died in may of this year. i have now moved back to uni to complete the final year of my studies and have felt really lonely here as a lot of my friends have moved on. after my grandpa's death i was devastated, i struggled to open up to my mum or the rest of my family as knew they were grieving too however i was able to open up to my boyfriend of 2 years at it really helped. however i still get really down and miss my grandpa so much, i cant think about him without crying and still very much grieving about losing him. trouble is i feel now, 6 months have passed and that i shouldnt still be grueving as heavily as i am and its causing a vicious circle as i get really upset cause i miss him and i feel i can't turn to anyone which makes me more upset because i feel that people expect me to be over it by now.what should i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (26 November 2012):
 Hon, you have had a lot to deal with and I urge you to find a grief counsellor to chat to. Lifeline offers these services usually for free or a donation.
Grief affects everybody differently and sometimes you need to lean on someone else to help you cope. Dont be too proud to talk to someone.
((((hugs))))
A
male
reader, SilentVoice +, writes (26 November 2012):
 Sorry for your loss.
I know what your going threw as I lost my dad 5 years ago I still miss him and wish he was still here.
You wont ever get over your grandfathers death, it will get easier but you will always miss him.
Nobody can expect you to just forget about him and you shouldn't,
Your grandfather will want you to be happy and get on with your life though
Remember the happy times you shared together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2012): When my grandmum died, this is what helped me coming from friends, my friends would say to me that ""we all are going to leave this world"" and your grandmum loves you and does not want to see you this way, they would tell me that your grandmum wants you to be happy and not worry about her because she does not have to suffer any longer, she's in a better place.
So I'm saying to you, be thanksful that your grandpa does not have to suffer with cancer any longer in and out of the hospital, in pain day in and day out, too sick to sleep at night. Try and think about all the fun and goodtimes you had with your grandpa, your grandpa want you to enjoy your life, try and do something different in your life because it's not easy losing a love one.
First I lost my grandmum, three brothers, my son, and my mother-in law so I know how you feel, I would give up everything I got to have my love ones back into my life but I have no control of this so I have to remind myself not to stress myself out over something I can do nothing about. Look at it like you did everything you could to help your grandpa and you have no guilt, hope this will help you thru. We all go thru this.
Better days to come!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (25 November 2012):
 Hi
Don't beat yourself up over this,there is no 'normal' and if people don't understand grief its usually because they haven't experienced it.
When I lost somebody very close for the first time it hit me like a ton of bricks,it took months to get over the shock and even now over 25yrs later I miss them.Since then I have lost other family members and I miss them too.The deep grief passes but theres always the odd day when something reminds me of them and its a sad moment.
Do get help, talk to a professional,not because your crazy but because they know what you need,they are an understanding 'ear' too. Ask at Uni.It really will help you. xx
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 November 2012):
 who CARES what OTHER people expect? I think the problem is YOU think you should be past it and that's unreasonable.
my mom died 17 years ago and I still cry about it.
NOT daily. Not hourly... it's not the focus of every conversation but it still HURTS sometimes... and that's NORMAL.
DID you have grief counseling? If not get some. Ask at the health center at uni for a counselor.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2012): People don't expect anything like that from you OP, we al know how hard grieving a loss is and we all know you can't put a time limit on that. So that [art is in your head and definitely not a reality.
If you need someone to talk to, do as person12345 suggests and speak to a college counsellor, or better yet go make an appointment to see a specialist grievance counsellor.
Remember though there's nothing abnormal about you, everyone copes with grief differently and no one expects you to be over it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2012): i know how you feel i lost my nana 18 months ago and it is still so painful, sometimes when i talk about her my eyes start filling up, the other night i woke up from dreaming about her in tears becsuse i just miss her so much
everyone is different and grieves in different ways, youll never be fully over it there will always be a piece of your heart missing but in life it is about coping with the death of someone you love, you should think about the good times and talk about them, i love talking about good memories with my nan she was such an important part of my childhood that i will never forget, i just feel lucky that i had her even if it wasnt for as long as i wanted
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (25 November 2012):
 If you are at uni you should have a counselor available to you. You should make an appointment and they can help you deal with your grief. Don't beat yourself up about still feeling sad, everyone feels these things differently and it's no one else's place to tell you when you should get better. I'm sure you'd find people would be more understanding than you think. No one is going to get angry at you for saying you miss him.
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A
female
reader, yanna58 +, writes (25 November 2012):
Please don't be ashamed of your feelings. Losing a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences we have. Six months is not a long time and it's perfectly normal to still be upset. If, however, you feel like you can't talk about it with your friends or family, there is nothing wrong with turning to a counselor. You should be able to get one through your university. Take care!
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