A
male
age
41-50,
*ero77
writes:hey there again its me the crazy OCD guy that thinks about his sister in law lol.:P The last thing I am is OCD and I dont need any medication either. It wasnt my idea in the first place to trade my wife like a power tool! It was my GREAT brother in laws idea. I dont want to ofend anyone on this service by what Im asking and i would like the same in return. I can control my sexual urges. Its mainly at this point just thoughts that Im having. I really dont know what to say. I wished he didnt confront me with the subject. You people dont even begin to know how horrible my marriage is so lets not go there. Yes your right it takes 2. I dont think my wife understands that. Im almost 100% sure that nothin going to happen between me and my SIL. Its just thoughts and not so much sexual believe it or not.Its definately wierd I do agree but i just wanted some input on what Im dealing with. Its pretty obvious that her husband wants my wife. Wasnt my idea.But I have been thinking about it and i know its wrong. Nobodys perfect and Im not crazy lol. It will probably be nothing. I did tell her and my wife what he said to me. My wife got really upset but she didnt I dont think. And I kinda noticed the gears turning in her mind that it wouldnt be a bad idea. I guess thats why im thinking of it so much. Its just a complicated subject that i probably need to let go. All i know is the thoughts are there and it kinda freaked me out. Im still freaking out...:P
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 November 2010):
 It's generally considered polite on this board to do the followups on the questions you've asked already, before posting again, for the third time on this. Here's the advice I gave you via PM. Nothing you've written here changes it for me.
"My sister in law husband ask me if i would be willing to trade wives for one night. At first I was kinda upset at the question he asked me but when we started talking about it I was finding myself interested. Thats what has started this whole thing anyway and Im thinking about it alot." So on that one night with your SIL you'll be drinking tea and eating cookies? That's all you want?
"I have always thought my SIL was hot" so if she was frumpy you wouldn't be here trying to work through this.
"I really dont know what Im going to do but if I find myself alone with my sister in law its going to be interesting."
I'm just going off what you've put out there. You haven't said you want to get together with her and start a relationship. You want "Aunt SIL" to become your son's new Mommy? Is that what you're looking for, a new lifelong partner, in the person of your SIL? Wouldn't your brother in law be a bit of a problem for her to deal with? Do they have children? How would your mother and father in law feel about spending holidays with the new family units?
I stand by my initial advice. If you are so confused and your mind cannot deal with it, you need professional help. That's not an insult, that's advice. If you don't know where these thoughts are coming from, my suggestion is that they are coming from the hidden part of your mind that wants to hurt your wife. This is called the subconscious. It is amazing how self-destructive unacknowledged suppressed anger can be. It makes people make incredibly poor choices.
I guess you've given up on your marriage as you didn't acknowledge that part of the advice either. It just seems a bit odd that you'd continue living in the house with her while you contemplate doing whatever it is you are contemplating doing with your sister in law.
Generally, my advice to people contemplating an affair is that they focus on saving the marriage first. What's funny is that they like the thrill of the illicit affair so much they don't want to do the work needed to fix the marriage. It might be an emotional or sexual or emotional AND sexual, whatever it is, somehow, the obvious fact that it's the marriage that's broken and needs fixing goes unnoticed.
If you married your wife for the wrong reasons, fix it. Then you won't be stuck in the guest bedroom in limbo, daydreaming about your sister in law. You'll either be reconciled with your wife, or off on your own, single and free to date whomever you choose.
One more thing for our posters. Both families have young sons. Here are the links to the questions he's already posted:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-if-i-cannot-stop-my-attraction-to.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-want-my-feelings-for-wifes-sister-to.html
Good luck with working it out on your own. You sound very lost. Professional counseling would help but I guess you don't really want to fix it, it's more interesting to dream about it than to actually do the emotional work necessary to get your life back on track.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): I would fix your marriage mess first. If you are unhappy, then end it. After that you're free to do whatever.
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A
female
reader, SilverAndGold +, writes (2 November 2010):
Have you ever watched the movie Consenting Adults? Cause it might be a good idea. Just because you think someone is sexually attractive doesn't mean the relationship would be a success. Kindly tell your wife that is why you married HER and NOT her sister. Also, find a hobby and spend some more time with your wife taking her on romantic dates. People often forget to keep the romance alive once they're married. It could make you both forget this ridiculous tiff. Good luck. I'm pretty sure your wife will cool it. Just don't keep bringing it up.
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