A
female
age
41-50,
*hislady1
writes:Alright, well here is my problem.About 7 months ago, i met this young man.When he and I met he told me he had been married twice. Appox. two months go by and then one day he calls and tells me that he is actually still married, but they are seperated ( i have been to his home, not the shared home of him and wife) and that she is also expecting. He says he isn't sure if the child is his, because she told him it may not be, this was part of the reason for their seperation. Well, time passes by, the baby is born, they have a dna test and confirm that the child is his. Next thing I know, he tells me that he is going to stay with her until she is able to get back on her feet.She has three other children who are not his. She had them in a previous marriage. So here we are months later, the baby is now 3 months old and he is still there. I ask him what he is doing and he says that he can call it at any moment, but he is trying to give her a chance. Alright, i can understand that, so i back up. But as I'm backing up, he trys to come closer to me, and now wants to know why i'm acting strange. He calls me while he is over her house, he calls me while she is there, and she knows about me. He and I have never crossed any lines, no kiss, nothing. Only conversation and each others time. I'm trying to give him space so he can figure out what he needs to do, but at the same time, as time goes by, my feelings grow deeper for him. I really don't know how much longer i can continue to go on like this. I don't want to be that woman some day whose husband has a "friend" and he wants to leave me for that "friend". What am i to do???
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female
reader, Artistry +, writes (27 March 2009):
 hi there, You have laid out the picture. Take emotions out of this, if you can, sometimes we want something because
it appears to be out of our reach so that just heightens interest and the desire. Do you really think that if completely single and available, your feelings would be so intense. Please think about that. Next thing, he has a child with this lady, the child will always be shared by them. You will have to bow to the wishes of the mother, if this man is with youand she calls when there is a problem with that child. He will utimately be involved with the other children as well, then feeling sorry for the woman and wantibg to help her as much as he can. Bonding is taking place with his child which it should. Now where does that leave you, even if you marry him. You will have a piece of him, never him entirely as a full husband in my opinion. Sometimes we let go for the good of all, I would not want to be wondering what he is doing at the mother of his child's home when he is visiting them. Find a less complicated situation, one where at least you will be the first consideration. Love is not always enough. There are other people who you will meet who will be more compatible. Try to find them, put your affection for this man to rest, and think of your own happiness. Every man would like to have a woman over here, and one in waiting. If you nmarry him and have a child, the baby he has with the other woman is family and you will be joined together forever. If this is the life you want for yourself, then wait around for him to make his move, which will not be a move at all, because of the baby, his life is forever joined to her by that child. Please look at this objectively and make a decision which helps you. You only get one life, one time to do the best for yourself. Be your own best friend. Take care.
A
female
reader, rosypopp +, writes (27 March 2009):
first you should consider the fact that he's married with a child. whether he tells you about how bad his relationship is with his estranged wife he's still there and that's his choice. don't play runner-up to this man. he's obviously playing both of you. if he didn't love his wife he would be with you. he has a new obligation and that's his child. and it's wrong for you to pressure a married man to walk away from his family. you need to let this confused man go. he wants a emtional affair which you should walk away from. i have never met a married man that left his wife after she had his baby.and do you want to be in the same position as the wife if he decides to leave her. if he could make you believe the worst about the wife who's to say he's not telling it to another female that you don't know about. married men never leave the wife.
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