A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:In a bit of a pickle. Around 18 months ago I met a girl at college - let's call her A - and we became really good pals. In fact we became best friends, there was a real connection between us. I never really knew if I genuinely liked her, or whether it just looked like I was flirting, or whether I was even doing either. It must have looked like we were attracted to each other though, as we were both at a party and a friend kept telling me to "tell her you like her". To be honest, I didn't know if I did. Towards the end of the evening (everyone a bit worse for wear of course) we walked away from the dance floor and took a seat in the corner - where I told her that I "really liked her", and of course, we started making out. It felt so good.But for about two weeks after that we were in limbo. I didn't know what to do, I don't think she did. We both hated the whole concept of "going out" - that's just a status. So we agreed to conduct our own relationship in private. Debatable, as everyone knew about us anyway from the making out which of course occured at every party after that.However things took a back seat a few months ago. Things were great until I began to question us. I increasingly felt, on no basis whatsoever though, that she was just using me - but I didn't say anything. We hadn't spoke for a couple of days and she text me saying she didn't want to continue our relationship. I was upset, but I wasn't devestated. I asked her why and she said it wasn't working, but I didn't see what exactly wasn't working in the first place. So we didn't speak for one or two weeks, ten she text me asking me to start talking to her again. I was in a bad mood and things turned sour; I wrongly text her saying she was nothing to me and just a quick ego fix. I regret that in hindsight. So again we didn't speak for a couple of weeks, plus I was beginning to find her increasingly childish in the way she communicated with people, and ever so annoying.In February we both went to a party, but didn't speak - until I was very drunk and talked to her. I told her I was sorry and of course, as they always do, we kissed and made up. For now. I think that was just a charade though, as I checked my sent messages and I'd text her abuse calling her a bitch. Didn't speak again. For some reason whenever I was drunk I began to wrongly send her abuse. All this culmulated at a party a couple of weeks ago when I proper laid into her, telling her I proper liked her and that she broke my heart, and she said the same, but nothing come about. Again we didn't speak and it's only recently that I've began to tolerate her again, but on nowhere near the same levels as we used to.I hate myself for what I've done, because after all I think I love her. In fact I'm convinced I'm in love with her and I just want things to go back to how they were when we were together, but don't know if I should. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): well i think if you love her talk to her and try to contain your drinking so you dont break up so much and hopfully shell come to her senses and realize she loves you back it all just takes time for her to realize that
sincerily,
a female reader
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): I guess I've been in a similar position as you. Just stop thinking about it as "go back to how they were". Life never goes back and people never do. That doesn't mean it needs to end so just try to be friends with her...it's hard yes I know but you've done so much crappy things to her and even yourself that you just have to move on. If you think you have another shot with her...take it but at least do things a little differently this time? Old habit die hard especially bad ones so work on that if you would like something meaningful and not so..abusive.
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