A
female
age
41-50,
*eartbroken247
writes:Hi. I was a dancer in a gentlemens club and there was this guy that always liked me but i never would had pictured him being my boyfriend.im latina he's white and all my life ive been with spanish guys.so he was never a costumer there never gave me money he just went there for business.so he at the time was goin thru problems with his x and so was i..so we just started talkin as friends and as i started to get to know him i liked him.he never disrespected me always treated me like a lady and that's what i liked.so then sooner u know he asked me 2 move in so i did.i quit dancing i changed my number and i was just into him..so then 3months passed and bang i came out pregnant.i was in shock i didnt expect it.and so i decided to keep it.i believe everything happens for a reason.i was with my x for 3yrs and never got pregnant..and with my boyfriend now it was crazy fast.so being that it was unplanned he was upset he was trying to force me to get a abortion.soo bad.that i stood strong and said noo.im 29 he's 30.we are grown.so i felt maybe it was meant to be..now im 6months and ive been stressed since i got pregnant.he verbally abuses me.when my hormones are crazy he thinks im really a bitch im not the person he meet..he just doesn't understand my hormones change,and that its the pregnancy.my first at that.he says im a phony and that someone told him im dirty and that i used to sell my body for money when i was workin at the club which is a lie.the point is that he just brings up my past when i was a dancer to try to hurt me because he never wanted this baby..and he's even more upset when i found out i was having a baby girl.he started flippin out how i jinxed him.and that i am what i am a w___e..and its crazy because i changed my number,i lost contact with all my old friends i changed soo much for him and its like im always the bad one.and i don't go no where my going out days been over and i just cant take him bringing me down because i decided to keep this baby.he makes me cry because of all the things he says.im supposed to be the mother of his child and that's how he talks to me with no respect.callin me a s__t w___e b___h..then he comes looking for me when i leave then he's back 2 normal.for a week or 2 then its verbal agin.then i leave again.its so hard i never wanted to be a single mom but i guess that's what's goin to be what's best for me.i doubt he will change when the babys born.especially shes a girl.he listens to what ppl.tell him.he wont believe me when i tell him there's alot of envy ppl out there that will tell you anything to mess up your happyness.he just wont believe me..im just so sick and tired of the same arguement about my x job..im a changed person and he just keeps dwelling on my past i was never his girl back then and to him he just doesn't care..its still in his head..i don't know what 2 do.anymore.i cant be geting stressed out anymore as it is..help me.
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female
reader, heartbroken247 +, writes (28 September 2008):
heartbroken247 is verified as being by the original poster of the question THANKYOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR ADVICE AND SUPPORT,I APPRECIATE IT VERY MUCH.IM SOO GLAD I FOUND THIS SITE WHERE I CAN SHARE MY FEELINGS AND CONCERNS..I WILL DEFINETLY STAY STRONG FOR MY BABY GIRL....WITH OR WITHOUT HIM!THANKYOU ALL.GOD BLESS.I WILL KEEP YOU UPDATED ON WHAT'S HAPPEND...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2008): You have a daughter to think about now, and you need to put her first. And I'm sorry to say that nothing you have written tells me that the home you are in right now is the best possible home you could give her. You are a mother, and you need to look to that. It will be hard, and it won't be like you imagined, but you need to live for her and do what's right for her.
Move out. Tell your bf that you've decided, as a mother, that you think it will be best for your baby if you are living somewhere else. Tell him that you would love for him to be as involved as he wants to be, because little girls deserve to have a dad that adores them, but that you are going to do right by this girl no matter what. And then do it.
Try to find family and friends that can give you some support, because you will need it. It takes a village to raise a child. Try to just surround yourself with wonderful people who are the kind of people you would want your daughter to grow up to be just like, or to grow up to marry. If they're not that kind of people, then you need to think really carefully about whether they're a very good example for your daughter.
Be strong, and do this for your daughter.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2008): Pregnancy can and should be a beautiful moment in the life of a woman and her partner. Couples in a happy, committed relationship must feel able to talk to each other about their feelings, opinions and anxieties. They feel safe to talk openly about their current circumstances and how children can impact their lives. They must discuss their hopes for the future and talk about how children fit into this plan. A pregnant woman must feel confident in involving her partner in her pregnancy and he must understand and be patient with what she's going through.
But, dear-a confident, good man would never call his pregnant partner the names this guys has called you. And treat her with such disregard. He is deeply resentful and he's lashing out. You do not have this man's respect and I am sorry because you don't deserve to be treated this way. Your bf has some deep rooted emotional problems, probably due to his own insecurities and so unless he grows up, matures and becomes a 'grown-up' and realizes that he must love, cherish and protect you and his baby, your child will indeed be raised by one parent...you. And why expose your child to such a father?
So I worry about you and this lovely baby. And ask yourself, if you have to always be tiptoeing around this man..what in the world will it be like when that new baby is in your home? As much as we love our babies, they are demanding little people and they need their parents to constantly be vigilant and make sure their needs are met 24/7. I really question his patience, understanding and maturity to get through the early phases. I don't think he has what it takes because simply put...he soesn't want to be a Father.
Violence has many faces and verbal abuse is one of them. Many pregnant women suffer emotional abuse and other forms and it may just worsen over time. Some of the things you can do to protect yourself. If he continues, you may have to leave to protect yourself and the baby but not without telling him to seek help with his abuse problems. It sounds like it's coming to this, there are ways to help yourself:
Tell someone what is going on! Choose the person you trust the most, talk to your family doctor, a counselor, or a nurse, a medical professional. Look for support from your family members, your friends, or shelter for women. Please speak up. There are Centers and Shelters that offer services in most areas.
Nothing wastes more energy than stress and worry. The longer one carries a problem and deny it, the heavier it gets. Be strong and have hope, dear. You and that baby deserve a life of serenity, not a life of regrets and abuse. The ball's in your court now...do what you have to do to ensure that baby has a happy, incredible life ahead. You can do it...I think you have the strength to ensure your baby has a happy life ahead.
Good luck and my heart is with you.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (27 September 2008):
 so he wanted you to cut all your ties and then became abusive?
this pattern of developing a relationship so quickly, cutting off the friends and then being abusive is the sign of a loser. you can do better, this stress is doing your baby no good. clearly he felt you were good to go out with but not worthy of having his child. you are better than this situation.
rise above it and look after your needs because the baby lives through you, so do her well
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