A
male
age
36-40,
*ommylMiles
writes:I was dating this girl for 7 months, things were going well, until we started talking about things we want in the future. Trying to see if we was eye to eye on those things. Along in the mist of this she got scared saying things was moving to fast. I forget to mention we work at the same place.So basically we broke up, she went from how she loves me and is in love with me and wants to have children later on in life with me and how she finally met a guy who is serious about something, to seeming like she is now interested in the new guy at work. It hurt so bad cause just a 2 week span ago she was mines, and now seem like she might have moved on so fast.I know i have to get over this, its the only thing i can do, she moved on sooo fast to this new guy. seems like they are developing something but i am not too positive. Anyways its doesnt matter, i just need some advice and ways to channel my emotions. Pleas help me!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2008): I know how you feel and I wish I could help. The relationship I have is like this and a constant battle. Like a rollercoaster. I know it doesnt feel like it now but you will be a happier person when you heal. For emotions to switch like that it is very painful and shocking. It hits like a ton of bricks. If only we could read people and understand how they can toy with emotions. Good Luck and I promise you will feel better soon.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2008): I am sorry for your sadness over this. Usually when a person says 'she's scared and things are moving too fast', that is a big red flag, they aren't committed and they are looking to move on. There are people who move on after the initial honeymoon period is over. The relationship became complacent in their eyes, and they find it tough to further work at it. This is not your fault...it's no one's fault. She is likely around your age, and she wasn't in this for the long term, like she thought she was. She may date and break up with a whack of young men, before she finds the 'right' one for her. You weren't the guy for her, but you most certainly will be the right guy for another lucky young lady, in your future.
One thing, I've learned along the path in life, is that the risk of getting hurt is part of the price you pay for the privilege of loving another. You just now have to decide if you heal yourself and fully forgive her and move on to happier, future without her and put all this behind you? Judging from your posting, I am feeling that she caused deep pain in you because she moved onto another fellow so quickly. She was likely looking and scouting around before you two actually broke up. Sometimes, we love people in our lives, who we know are possible 'liabilities'....and we have discern character based on behaviours.
Life and relationships can be harsh..this is one of it's lessons that teach us to be strong and persevere. It's teaches us informations and lessons to take on into the next relationship. You may be sad, but you are wiser. You will be happy again..I know you will. You need to believe in yourself and know you have a lot to offer some decent girl, who will love you back and appreciate you for your good, strong qualities. Accept that this girl wasn't the one. You need to disconnect but because you work with her, just be gracious, professional and avoid her presence, as much as you can at work. That's all you can do. Good luck and take care of you and be patient with yourself. Gift yourself with the time to heal.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2008): Hi, It souns to me like you thought she was going to be with you long term. I think maybe you got a it carried away with future plans and she just went along with it to please you. If she has found it so easy to move on so quickly with no thought for your feelings then she was by no means the right person for you. I know that this may sound a bit harsh but you need to move on. you need to show that you are a confidant guy and put on a brave face at work no matter how hard it feels inside. it's not an easy situation to be in, I had something similar happen to me with someone I worked with and I know how easy it is for someone else to tell you to move on. i took my own advice I put on a brave face changed my image and found a confidence I never thought I had. I felt good about myself again and I know you will too. Good luck
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