A
male
age
36-40,
*Lilly08
writes:Since my girlfriend and I have broken up recently, I've been trying to figure out what went wrong, and even though we both truly love each other, I believe that me not accepting her friends was a big factor. Please know that it wasn't my intention to have her choose me over her friends, but I believe that that's what she thought. I have always said that I don't hate them and I will give them a chance, but unfortunately, I haven't. I believe the main reason why I didn't is that since I don't open up to people real well, I didn't want to try. I wasn't trying to hurt her, but now that I've lost her, I realized that it was unfair to her and disrespectful. I want her back so much and I am willing to change not just for her, but also for myself. Is there anything I can do to show that it wasn't her friends that was the problem, it was me? Or is it too late? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2007): I don't know if this is too late, dear. You can tell her, that you finally have figured out what happened. Can I ask...did she tell you, herself, from her own mouth that the root cause of this break up was because of your feelings towards her friends? If so, I really, really thinks it's time for you to call her up and ask if you both can have a meeting and talk. Ask her if this was the real reason she split. If she confirms that the breakup was because you didn't like her friends...then you need to change your whole perspective on love relationships, dear. You know now, you had no right to do that to her. Friends play a huge part, especially in relationships that are all-encompassing. If you want a person to be a part of your life, you have to get along with her friends. You don't have to necessarily like them, but you have to accept them. And, it doesn't matter if you don't open up to people well...that was your problem, not hers. She plainly does enjoy her friendships and that is healthy. You were wrong and very disrespectful to expect her, to give up an important part of her life, that made her happy, in order to accomodate your needsand wants. Relationships are all about respect and acceptance of the other's lives. . A true, healthy relationship is when we accept and respect all aspects of our partner's life...which includes friends. Friends are great to have when we are in relationships. There is nothing worse than a female giving up others they care about, to keep a guy happy...and to even have expected her to do that may have told her you were being a bit controlling and self-serving. Two very big red flags that could've drove her away. Talk to her and apologise and let her know you respect her life. And keep growing and learning about different aspects of yourself. This was a hard life lesson to learn through a painful loss. I hope it works well for you. Good luck.
A
female
reader, redfield +, writes (28 April 2007):
everyone makes mistakes, one thing that ive noticed is instead of calling write her a letter and tell her how truly sorry you are, it gives that person time to think instead of regreting something over the phone, and when you see her friends appoligize to them also, it shows you mean it and your willing to give them a chance
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